I'll Find You
by iheartShules
Summary: John is about to set on a journey to go find the woman he loves. [Careese, because I love them forever and they were stolen from us and I won't let them go] My wish for the series finale. Yes, I want them that much!
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: Okay so this is not proofread as it has been something I talked about with two people on here. It is just a drabble as it's just a fantasy piece, though I could write a lot more, maybe. It's kind of my crack version of what I want to happen in the finale of the series. Is it going to happen?-hell no. Do I want it too?-hell yes! I'm sure there is grammar errors in this, so I apologize in advance. This is in John's POV.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

* * *

He couldn't bask in their victory, couldn't go with his friends to the pub and celebrate. John couldn't even find a single ounce of happiness over the fact that he no longer had to hide, could go home and sleep for days because finally the nightmare was over. Decima was apprehended, and Samaritan destroyed. They won after a brutal and bloody war that he was sure he would die at the end of. However, all of that was just white noise as there was only one thought running through his mind: Joss was alive.

Before Samaritan had been destroyed it had threw him a crumb, a transmission of sorts. Joss's voice had dropped him to his knees when she called out his name for help. It had been quick and it was gone. Finch tried to console him as Root destroyed the very thing that could help him find her but threatened his life and the lives of their friends. Greer had laughed at his suffocating despair, until Shaw emptied her entire clip into him for what he had done to her and didn't stop until the clicking of an empty chamber penetrated.

John walked unevenly as there was not one spot on his entire body that did not ache from the various wounds he had. Samaritan and Decima agents had not gone down without a fight. But he would crawl to the end of the Earth to find Carter and would not rest until he set tired eyes on her once more.

He approached the busy intersection of 49th and 6th as New Yorkers were walking to and fro to get to work on time. John merely stopped in the middle of the throng, forcing them to walk around him, and looked up at the camera.

"Joss is out there somewhere," he said thickly as tears pricked the backs of his eyes, as he stared up at the surveillance camera. "I'm going to find her and you're going to help me." he vowed before turning around, his phone buzzed in response, and he got lost in the sea of men and women as he walked away to go find the woman he loved.

* * *

AN: I used the intersection from Firewall and wanted to mirror what John did in the pilot and what he said at the end of Firewall. This is just my wishful thinking since Careese owns me and would KILL for this sort of ending. Not sure if this is it or not but I'm going to list this as complete. I got an idea and it would be probably four or five chapters in length but I don't know. I guess it's up to you guys if you guys want to read it, I'll write it. Thanks for reading my fantasy.


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN: XOXOXOX to all of you reviewers logged in to guest alike I'm happy to know you guys share my same wish for the series finale as me and since you guys seemed to want John's journey to find Joss, here it is. And my estimate of being 4-5 chapters seems a little off now that I'm writing it. It will be more like 8-10 chapters but nothing as long as Bring Me to Life lol. Thank you Elaine for proofing this for me as I know you had tons of things to do!**_

* * *

" _JOHN, I'M ALIVE! PLEASE HELP M—_!"

John swayed in his apartment as Joss's desperate shout replayed in his mind, his heart lodged in his throat, threatening to choke off his airway. All this time she was alive and he hadn't known. He couldn't breathe, wouldn't breathe again until he saw her with his own two eyes. He yanked drawers open with one hand, keeping the other pressed to his bleeding wound. Samaritan agents had got him good when he stepped in front of Harold to shield him from harm. The bullet hit just under his bulletproof vest.

He began shoving clothes, an envelope full of cash, fake and stolen badges he collected over the years along with his own Riley badge and I.D. into the duffel bag. Maybe it would come of use, he wasn't sure, but he would use any resource to his disposal. Finding Joss was his only objective, the means of doing so were irrelevant. Saving the machine and his friends was complete, now he had to save Joss, who he hadn't even known was alive until twelve hours ago.

The duffel bag was filled up quickly, forcing him to grab another one for his weapons. John crossed the short distance of his small bedroom to the closet and began emptying it of his arsenal. Leather gloves, ski-mask, handguns, semi-automatic rifles, explosives, and dozens upon dozens of clips all fell in line in the once empty black duffel bag. He gasped as he dropped to his knees to reach under the bed for the grenade launcher.

John hurriedly zipped the bags up before turning to enter the adjacent bathroom and began tugging out medical supplies. He needed a quick fix, he couldn't bleed out now, not until he found Joss and brought her home. His eyes felt gritty from lack of sleep, tears, and pain that no matter the amount of times he blinked them trying to clear the blurriness that resided there it remained.

John didn't bother to look up as he stripped his bloody dress shirt off as he heard the door to his apartment open and close. Didn't bother turning his head as he heard Root, Shaw, and Fusco talking or the sound of Finch's impaired gait as his fancy dress shoes hit the hardwood floor at uneven intervals. Instead he focused on his wound that blood was seeping out of the stitch job Shaw had done on him only hours ago.

Harold limped into John's small bedroom with Bear on his leash followed by Ms. Shaw, Ms. Groves, and Detective Fusco behind him. They all heard the transmission but only Harold saw John's face, gripped John as he nearly was inconsolable as Root destroyed Samaritan and possibly his only chance at finding Jocelyn. But Harold was afraid to believe in the impossible: Jocelyn was truly alive? Yet as inconceivable as it was, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that if there was anyone that could beat the odds it was Joss.

The moment the war with Samaritan and Decima had been over, with the machine being once more the only artificial intelligence, and as they licked their wounds, John had staggered away from the underground subway with barely a word. In actuality it had been one word, rather one name that slipped from him. Perhaps, John didn't know, but they all had heard his broken whisper of Joss's name as he left their side. His voice held a kaleidoscope of feelings that John rarely let anyone see or hear. Harold had no idea what it must feel like for John at the moment, to have both the memory of the devastation he suffered when Joss was lost to him and the newfound hope that she was alive. But John wouldn't do her any good if he bled to death because he hadn't taken a moment to help himself.

But before he even had the chance to try to gently guide John into helping himself, John spoke first. "Joss is out there, Harold, so I'm not going to let my wounds heal. I'm not going to rest because I haven't slept in days, not when she's out there alone. I won't rest until I find her, so please don't ask me to," he said numbly as he tugged his gaze off his wound to eye Harold, knowing what he was going to say, before Shaw pushed his hands away with a growl to patch him up herself.

"Stop fucking up my stitches," Shaw snapped in way of concern for him as she reached for the needle and thread. He sucked in a breath as she pinched his wound and stabbed the needle under his skin and began suturing him without any numbing agent. Didn't matter anyways, he didn't have any.

Harold grimaced in pain just watching Ms. Shaw while John just stood there stiffly. "John, you don't have to do this alone," Finch said earnestly. "We'll help you find her. We'll help you find Jocelyn."

He shook his head. "Who will work the numbers?—no, we just got the machine back online to help people without worry from Samaritan. Joss would never forgive us if we abandon helping people to come to aide her." Finch frowned because Mr. Reese was correct, Jocelyn valued others before herself. "I don't even know where she is, I have to go alone."

"No, you're not because I'm coming with you," Lionel said immediately. "My partner is out there somewhere and we're going to find her together." Fusco knew that he and wonder-boy cared about Carter in a very different way, but Carter meant a great deal to them both. She was special.

John looked at Fusco. "What about your day job?"

Fusco barely withheld: what about yours, because Reese hadn't even had time to think about the fact that Detective Riley couldn't just up and disappear. "I racked up some leave and maybe your computer wizard friend could help me get more," Fusco said. He didn't particularly like knowing about this weirdo computer that was all seeing, but if it helped him help the big guy find his partner, he was all for it.

Harold nodded. "You do not need to worry, Detective, I will make sure you have more than enough time to help John find Jocelyn," he promised him. He could easily hack the NYPD's database and allot more time to Detective Fusco and John as well. Finch had a feeling the Riley persona wasn't going to be so easy for John to shed.

Lionel nodded. "See, Glasses is going to work his voodoo."

"Lionel…"

"Reese, you need help, you're my friend and so is she. Let me help you bring her home," Fusco said sincerely. Since having wonder-boy posing as Riley, he and the big guy had gotten closer. It was weird having Reese's respect and friendship, it was like they had entered the Twilight Zone.

John eyed Lionel and nodded his head. "Alright," he reluctantly agreed, maybe having a partner helping him look for Joss would be beneficial. Finch would have Root and Shaw to help him with the numbers and Lionel cared nearly as much about Joss as he did.

Shaw finished bandaging him up before unzipping one duffel bag to cram as much medical supplies in as she could. "I want Carter back, so you can't die before you get to her. So change your dressings every two to four hours so you don't get it infected. I'm sure Fusco will piss and moan at you until you do it," Shaw stated dryly.

"Did I ever tell you it's so good to have you back, squirt," Fusco teased.

Shaw glared at him. "Don't push it." she stated but a smirk twitched on her lips. Shaw was coming around from the torture she endured. She looked back at Reese and grew serious. "Call me day or night if you need help finding Carter. I'll be there."

John mutely nodded as he turned his gaze onto Root as she stepped forward holding out a shirt to him, his phone and an earwig with a large smile looming on her face. "SHE says SHE's ready to help you find your detective," Root said before the cheesy grin slid away and eyed him sincerely. "Sameen isn't the only one willing to help you, John," she said letting the rest of the statement left unspoken. Everyone in the room knew he and Root had gone on a war path to save Shaw from Samaritan and Decima.

"If I need help I'll call," he said tugging the shirt on, ignoring the growl from Shaw when he didn't take his time and his wound pulled, and took the earwig and the phone.

"John," Finch said gently. John looked at him. "Since Samaritan is gone, I have freed my wealth and my assets once more. If you need anything I'll wire you the funds or if you need my private jet…"

"I'll call you," he agreed, knowing his friends wanted to bring Joss home too and were only wanting to help. "Come on Lionel, let's go find Joss," he said resolutely as he slowly walked with the duffel bag full of guns leaving Lionel to carry the other one.

Finch grabbed Fusco's forearm earning the man's attention. "Please, detective, bring Jocelyn and John back in one piece."

"Don't worry, I'll make sure Mr. Tall, Dark, and Gloomy keeps breathing. He has to or Carter will kill him for dying on her,"Lionel rationalized. And if there was anything that could keep the crabby commando going it was knowing that Carter was out there somewhere…and she was alive.

* * *

AN: About the only thing I truly liked about season 4 was the deepening and furthering of the friendship between Lionel and John. I nearly squealed in bromance feels when he told Fusco he was a good friend and a good cop in 4x21. So this is a work in progress so I have no idea how updates will go. I just finished chapter 3 and started on 4. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

_**AN: Since the show is very unclear (at least to me) about the timeframe at which season 4 and 5 is at I'm operating under the assumption that it is still dead of winter of 2015 when s4 ends and when s5 picks up. So with that said I'm writing this in mind that s5 takes place minutes after s4 ended and spans across the rest of winter time for the fight with Samaritan/Decima, so my story of John's journey of finding Joss is set early March 2015. So Joss has been gone from John's life now like approximately sixteen months :(**_

* * *

Lionel drove, insisted really. He didn't want to be in a head on collision because of the glazed over look in wonder-boy's eyes. Reese needed sleep but he knew the big guy wasn't kidding, he wasn't gonna do any of the essentials until he had Carter back. They were driving to the location that was supposedly Carter's last known whereabouts: the morgue. From the one-sided conversation he could hear from Reese and the computer thing it sounded like the machine had no clue that Carter had been alive any more than they did and had no recollection of the transmission Samaritan played.

"At least rest your eyes, wonder-boy," Fusco suggested after a sidelong glance at Reese before focusing on the road in front of him.

"Pay attention to where you're driving, Lionel, we need to find Joss not a ditch," he murmured dismissively.

Fusco sighed. "If Carter is alive after all this time she had to be in WPP," he said. "That's the only explanation as to why, after all this time, she hasn't contacted us. Unless she went all soap opera on us and got amnesia," Fusco teased, getting a twitch of a smile on Reese's lips.

"Joss would kill herself before she ever stepped onto General Hospital."

"Huh, go figure, Mr. Tall, Dark, and Brooding knows a daytime drama. What is that, a guilty pleasure or somethin?"

"No. Jessica loved that soap opera," he said softly. Fusco didn't know much about who or what the big guy was before he became the pain in the ass he was today, but he knew enough to know a guy who was heartbroken. Just as he knew wonder-boy had been thoroughly destroyed by the loss of Carter.

Fusco had been privy to knowing how Reese felt about his partner long ago when Reese merely viewed him as an expendable asset to his purpose. It had been apparent to him in the early days when wonder-boy nearly went loco over Elias putting a hit on Carter. And now that they were friends he felt he could speak the truth no matter how upset the big guy got.

They pulled up to a red light and he glanced at Reese. "So when we find my partner are ya gonna tell her?" Fusco asked.

John looked at him confused. "Tell Joss what?"

"You're going to make me say it aren't you, wonder-boy?!" Fusco demanded. "Who rescued who out in the boonies while you auditioned for the part of being an ice cube?" he asked and Reese remained quiet. "John, you were delirious when I found you working a cold case of Carter's, bleeding and freezing to death. As I drove you to the hospital you kept talking to Carter in the backseat, who apparently you hallucinated, and you were telling 'her' how much you loved her," Lionel said gently. He left off the fact that John had cried because he never got a chance to tell her how he felt when she was alive because he hadn't figured it out until it was too late. Reese wouldn't welcome knowing he had broken down as he was dying and that he had witnessed it.

John swallowed hard. "It's impolite to eavesdrop, Lionel," he muttered. He said that? He remembered hallucinating about Joss, but not in Lionel's car. His last real memory of that night was when Fusco arrived to help, everything after that was an utter blank.

Fusco snorted. "Eavesdrop on you, when you're in my car and two feet from me in a conversation with a hallucination?—that's a good one, wonder-boy." John clenched his teeth and wishing, not for the first time, that he had told Lionel no about tagging along on the rescue mission. "Look I'm just saying: you love Carter and she's back from the dead, you don't get many second chances like this, Reese." Lionel said with a firm nudge.

They pulled up to the morgue, John was grateful because he didn't want to talk about this anymore with him. He just wanted to focus on finding Joss, bringing her home, and the rest then could be figured out. He climbed out of his car without any assistance from Lionel, gasping slightly as his various wounds all throbbed.

Lionel shook his head as he exited the car and hurried to round the car to catch up to the limping man. "You know, Mr. Sunshine, you posed as a human piñata for the Samaritan agents with their punches and bullets, I think you need to slow down and let me help you," Lionel griped seeing the paleness to Reese's face and lips. He wasn't nearly healed enough to go on this journey, let alone do things without any help. Fusco knew Reese had been shot at least twice and grazed once and yet he was still dragging himself forward.

"Joss is the only thing that matters to me," he said as he forced himself to not walk with a limp as the entered the office. Lionel rolled his eyes as they produced their badges and stated their business. After a moment they followed the woman into the back to speak to the coroner and see the file on Joss's supposed demise.

When the man entered he was wearing a lab coat and a smile on his face and most definitely not Reynolds. "Hello, detectives, I always enjoy having company that can talk back. Dr. Reynolds is out and I'm his new understudy Dr. Ryan Wiegardt."

"This isn't some social visit," John snapped in annoyance. He wished Reynolds was here. "I'm Detective Riley and I want to see everything you have on Jocelyn Carter, dated November 2013." he stated darkly.

Fusco grimaced as the young guy didn't seem upset by Reese's agitation, seemed to think he was kidding as he laughed it off. "Yes, Reynolds told me all about that case. It had upset him to know one of New York's finest was killed. But I thought her case was already closed," Wiegardt said with a confused expression.

"Just do it," John growled looking one step away from going vigilante style on the guy in front of them and Fusco grabbed wonder-boy's arm to simmer the man down.

"We just want to look at the autopsy report," Fusco muttered, playing good cop since Reese wanted to play deranged cop.

The guy shrugged his shoulders and walked to the computer chatting amicably to Fusco. John stood glaring at the man from behind as he worked and brought up the report and pictures. John leaned in close, eyeing the body, more precisely at the stomach area. He shook his head. It wasn't Joss and he felt hope inside him soar to new heights.

"Thanks this is all we needed," John said as he turned and walked away without another word, leaving Fusco to apologize and hurry after him.

"Hey, we didn't even read the report!" Fusco griped.

"Didn't need to, it wasn't Joss. That report is phony and reading it will waste time finding Joss. We need to know where she was really taken."

"How do you know that?" Fusco demanded.

"There's no scar," he said thickly, feeling happiness nearly choke him.

"Excuse me?"

John paused in the hallway of the office and looked at Fusco. "While we were in the morgue with Quinn waiting for morning to come, we shared our closest calls. One of hers was a Marine escorting her had stepped on a land mine in Fallujah."

"Okay…?"

"Carter had a scar that crossed largely across her abdomen and stomach. On that body there is no scar," he said as he turned and continued walking. "That body wasn't Joss's, she was never brought to the morgue. The body that was buried as Joss is most likely a deceased Jane Doe that matched Joss's height, weight, and skin tone," he said roughly. This was definitive proof that Joss was out there somewhere and wherever that somewhere was he was going to find it so he could find her.

* * *

AN: Okay so I used to love General Hospital. I watched it for like 10 plus years :) If you're patiently waiting to see our girl again she makes her appearance in the next chapter as well as some answers as to who has her and what happened too. Also this is the last update for this story for a little bit because my friend who proofs my stuff is heading out on vacation, so Elaine enjoy yourself and I appreciate everything you do for me and being my friend XOXO. So since you guys have a mini little hiatus between updates to go through I'll give you a piece from chapter four:

 **Joss leaned her head back. John once accused her of wanting to do everything alone and he was right for the most part, but, this was not one of those instances. Not when the odds were stacked against you. And she knew she couldn't free herself from this alone. She needed John.**

Hope that helps with the wait. Thank you for reading!

Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

_**AN: Thanks Elaine for getting me these back so quickly! Hope you had a wonderful time on your cruise XOX. And since I might be a tad busy Monday and unsure of if I'll have time to post I decided to post this today. So yay it was only nearly 10 days between updates which I figured would have been longer to be honest lol.**_

 _ **Italics at the bottom of this chapter is for a flashback.**_

* * *

John begrudgingly agreed to stop to eat lunch. They had already asked the machine for and received the requested footage from the night that Joss was supposedly brought into the morgue. The machine had sent them everything from minutes after her supposed death to the time she was brought in. They established what John had already known: that woman wasn't Joss Carter. But the footage did lead them to believe that their theory of the FBI placing Joss in WPP could be correct because Agent Moss had been there, talking to Reynolds. Fusco also informed him that Moss had met with Joss twice; once to tell her the man in the suit case was closed and secondly to issue the lie detector test. So Moss would know that the woman lying on the slab was not Joss Carter. The machine was in the process of scanning for any 'Jane Does' from November 2013 that matched Joss's physical attributes under police protection in any of the surrounding hospitals where they were gunned down by Simmons. They had to wait for results and Fusco had complained about needing to eat.

Lionel ate his burger and sipped his soda. "Did the machine give us anything yet?" he wondered aloud around a mouthful of food, giving a good impression of Shaw.

John looked at his phone, seeing no text message yet. "No." he replied darkly. But there were a lot of hospitals in New York and if the FBI wanted to keep Joss hidden for her safety they could have taken her out of state. The machine had started its search on the hospitals in the surrounding area of where they were gunned down, then it was going to move onto hospitals in New York, and if that yielded nothing it would move its search into surrounding states.

Lionel shook his head at the plateful of food still sitting untouched in front of Reese. "You know, if Junior Whopper was here she would have scarfed that down in a heartbeat," he said with a motion of his fry in John's general area.

"If Shaw was here she wouldn't be wasting valuable time searching for Joss, eating."

"We're talking about the same person right?" Lionel said with a laugh before growing serious. "You need to eat. Hell you need to rest a minute. I know you don't want to hear this but you're not invincible and were shot a few times during the takedown of Samaritan. You don't look so good."

"I'm fine," John lied.

"I get it, wonder-boy, you don't want me here anymore than you wanted anyone else because you want to find Carter yourself." This was the second time Reese grew distant and secretive when Carter was the subject; the first time had been with the Patterson case. "I'm not trying to say I understand what it feels like to know the woman you love that you thought was dead is truly alive, because I don't. But you need to stop a minute and take care of necessities or you'll do Carter no good," Fusco stated, hoping it would get through his thick skull. If he wanted to find Carter then he needed to start with taking care of himself.

John shook his head. "I don't know how long ago that transmission was made, Fusco. The machine has no recollection of it, which means that it had to come during the time when it was shut down and Finch and Root were rebuilding it. That means it was roughly two months ago," he said roughly. "In two months a lot can happen, Lionel."

Fusco stared at Reese as he heard his breath hitch and his eyes grew bright as unshed tears filled them, which he refused to let fall. Reese looked down and stuffed a fry into his mouth. The big guy was afraid that he was too late, that he learned Joss was really alive only to not be able to save her…again.

"We'll find her, John."

"I know."

"And when we do she'll be alive," Fusco added.

"I can't lose her again," he whispered and Lionel wondered if he was meant to hear it or not, so he pretended he didn't because Lionel knew the crabby commando was right. Reese wouldn't survive losing Carter again.

John ignored his trembling hands as he reached down and picked up the burger and forced himself to eat. Lionel was right: he wasn't invincible. He felt weak from the last few days' events, Fusco pointed out he had been shot a few times. He grabbed the water and took a healthy gulp of it.

While Reese was busy chugging water, Lionel flung a handful of fries from his plate onto Reese's. Carter would kill him if he let Mr. Fabulous kill himself in his search for her and he wasn't getting on Carter's bad side for nothing. He missed her.

They ate quietly without much talking until Lionel broke the silence. "Don't forget to change your dressings or the pocket sized commando will hunt you down if you don't," Fusco reminded.

"Later…"

"When?—she said every four hours and guess what time it is."

John jumped when his phone buzzed. Lionel sighed. The computer had lousy timing because he finally got wonder-boy to eat and it was abandoned with the thought of finding Carter.

John read the text immediately before calling Finch, needing a favor, who answered after one ring. "Did you find her already Mr. Reese?" he asked instantly, hope twinging Harold's voice.

"No not yet, I need something from you, Harold."

"Name it, John."

"I need you to hack Corry Memorial Hospital in Pennsylvania, the machine found a woman matching Joss's description and injuries that was placed under police protection there about a week after the shooting with Simmons. It sounds good but the machine is going to continue its search for Joss."

He heard Harold's fingers dancing on the keyboard over his phone. "I'm already on it, Mr. Reese. We'll find her soon," he vowed.

"Also if either you or Root could hack the FBI's database and find out everything you can on an Agent Moss, first name unknown. I need to know everything about that man, about what he's been doing since the day before Joss's supposed death until now. From footage the machine got it appears he's the one that was in charge of Joss's protection," John said with a roll of the eyes as Lionel pointed at his plate and mouthed EAT at him.

"I'll get right on it John, Ms. Groves is currently hard at work at sifting through what is left of Samaritan's hard-drives to try to find the footage of that transmission. But with frying Samaritan's software most of the hard-drives sparked and melted as we overloaded Samaritan's system with malware. But Ms. Groves is trying," Finch said. Harold had been surprised at the fierceness in Ms. Groves at helping John find Jocelyn. It seemed that both John and Ms. Groves had finally buried the hatchet and she took what John did to help find Ms. Shaw very seriously.

He swallowed hard. "And Shaw?" he said gruffly, not sure what to say about Root helping him.

"Pacing and checking her phone constantly, hoping you'd call with some information. Currently she's working a number," Finch answered.

"Call me when you have something."

"Of course, John," Finch murmured and with that John hung up.

Fusco eyed Reese. "How are Laverne and Shirley?"

"They're fine, Root is trying to find Joss using what's left of Samaritan's drives and Shaw is working a number," John murmured.

"So I take it that Mr. Vocabulary is hard at work and we have to wait?"

"Yes," John said with impatience as he glanced up at the camera in the corner of the restaurant. "Hurry, Joss needs us," he implored and his phone buzzed in response.

John looked down at it and read: _We'll find her_.

Fusco saw the look on the big guy's crestfallen face, whatever the little wizard said it wasn't satisfactory. "Well since we have to wait to see what Glasses and Obi-Wan Kenobi find out for us, you can finish your meal and change your dressings. Bite Size will be pissed if you mess up with her stitches again. Do you really want that little tornado raging?" Fusco inquired seriously.

John sighed. He hated waiting. He just wanted answers so he could find Joss. He reluctantly picked up the burger and went back to gagging it down because Lionel wasn't going to quit bitching at him if he didn't. And as he chewed the burger, he could almost hear Joss lecturing at him, and his lips tilted up into a ghost of a smile and suddenly it became easier to choke the food down.

* * *

It had been so since she last saw her son and John. It was soul crushing of living without them. Fusco, Finch, and Shaw crossed her mind but not as often as her son and John did. Joss sincerely hoped Taylor was getting along with his friends and that his girlfriend was really pretty. The last one had been but they didn't have much in common. She hoped he found someone that made her boy's eyes light up. Joss wondered if his grades were still up and how things were going with him and his dad. And John…she wondered what he was up to. What trouble he was getting into?—a smile slipped onto her face as tears filled her eyes. She hoped he was happy and damn well hoped he hadn't let her supposed death change him. He had worked so hard at moving on though he still had trouble letting people in, but he had shown how far he come when they were alone together in the morgue. John had tentatively opened up to her, putting feelers out, testing the waters so to speak, and she relished it since being forced to live apart from him. She would hate for it to be erased in one tragic moment when she wasn't even dead.

Anger over the situation she was in burned bright inside her and threatened to strangle her. Her life was stolen from her, her son and John were stolen from her, and not just from Simmons, but by the people she trusted in. She had been lied to or she would never have had to make her son or John believe she was dead. Everything she was told had been a lie, her trust in the system destroyed. But as quickly as the surge of anger spiked inside her it faded off. There was no use being angry right now, she couldn't change the predicament she was in. All she had left was hope that she would be rescued, but she was slowly losing it, it was hard not to let it. John wasn't going to find her, how could he when he didn't even know she was truly alive, and she couldn't save herself—not this time. Joss leaned her head back. John once accused her of wanting to do everything alone and he was right for the most part, but, this was not one of those instances. Not when the odds were stacked against her. And she knew she couldn't free herself from this alone. She needed John.

She needed him and not just for rescuing. Joss wanted to tell him everything that she held inside, because all the reasons not to that she had used to justify keeping silent were no longer good enough. This time forced apart from her mother, her son, and John taught her a valuable lesson: life was short. You needed to grab a hold of it and live it to the fullest, no matter what, because you never knew what tomorrow would bring. And she didn't understand why she had to live her life apart from her son, her mother, and John to understand this, but she would never forget it for the rest of her life. Hopefully that lasted longer than a few days. And if she was saved, she wasn't going to keep how she felt for John inside any longer.

"Who are you thinking about?" a feminine voice broke her out of her thoughts.

Joss opened her eyes. "My family," she answered quietly.

The woman that was in the cage next to hers nodded. "I think about my daughter all the time."

Joss sighed. "How old is she?"

"Eleven."

"What's her name?"

"Julia,"

"That's a pretty name," Joss said softly with a faint smile.

"It was my mother's name," came the soft reply.

"I hope one day to meet her," Joss whispered before clearing her throat as she eyed the door. "I don't think they're coming down here anymore to bring us any water," she said slowly as the reality of their grim situation set in. She hadn't seen anyone come down here to bring them food or water in a while, Joss would say at least a day maybe more. But without a clock down here and no windows to show the time outside, she had no clue how long they had gone already without water and food. Survival training had kicked in when she was thrown in this cage months ago, rationing the food she did get but there was no chance at survival without water.

"I wonder if your friends finally got Decima and stopped Samaritan. It would explain why they haven't bothered to bring us our water," the other woman wondered aloud, sounding weirdly happy at that fact but perhaps not that they were going to slowly die from dehydration.

Joss smiled a little. "Knowing John and the others, they did," she admitted as she looked at the slightly overweight woman with long brown hair in a grungy pantsuit. Not as bad as her as she sat in her black leggings and a tee that she had been in when she was abducted. She had been walking home from her jog when a syringe had pierced her neck and the world swam and she struggled until everything went black and woke up in here.

It was beginning to smell putrid down here from the buckets they were relegated to relieve themselves in. Joss felt disgusting in here living in filth and wanted to be free but there was no way out of these cages and she had long given up on her futile attempts at freeing herself from the cuff around her wrist.

"Do you think they'll find us, Joss?"

Joss shrugged. "I got a message out to John but I don't think it reached him. From what you said the good machine could have been destroyed and the only thing I talked too was the bad one, so there is no telling if I got it to him or not," she sadly admitted.

She had tried to get the super computer the message to give to John. She had escaped her cage back before the addition of the cuffs with the use of the hairpin in her hair, picking the lock on her cage. Joss had waited a long while from trying to attempt escape, trying to learn their patterns so she could make it out of the door without being busted. She memorized everything and it worked, she got out the door but that was it. It appeared she and Control (as she introduced herself as) were being held in some underground bunker. When she got out of this room and into the long and narrow corridor, she saw the camera near the guard who was already calling in for assistance and screamed her message to John before men grabbed her, beat her, and threw her back into the cage with the added cuffs to keep her in place. They searched her for anymore hairpins and anything she could use to pick the lock.

Greer had come down later to talk to her and that's when she got Control as a companion, when this woman had been brought down here in cuffs and a black hood:

 _Greer smiled at Jocelyn as she tugged on her cuffed hand. "If you hadn't tried to escape you wouldn't require your new bindings," he commented._

" _Screw you," Joss said sweetly. Her face throbbed from the hits she took when the men that grabbed her as she shouted her SOS out to the camera, smacked her around to drag her back down here and throw her into the cage once more, but with the addition of the cuffs to keep her in place._

 _He chuckled softly as he stood before her on the other side of her steel fence cage. "You and Mr. Reese were very close weren't you, my dear?—as he was the first one you thought of to ask for help. And he is also the reason you are here in the first place," Greer murmured as he eyed her in the cage._

" _There are millions of Johns out in the world, what makes you think that the John I asked for is this John you're looking for," she said, not about to give him anything useful._

 _Greer chuckled. "Jocelyn, I know it is because Samaritan did its due diligence on you. The town you were placed in when you thought you were in Witness Protection was Samaritan's. Our Agent Moss had no idea that you truly knew the real identity of the man in the suit. Agent Moss's only objective was to place men and women into Maple New York so Samaritan could analyze humans to learn their behavior."_

 _Joss stared at Greer. "Are you saying that Agent Moss of the FBI worked for you?" she demanded._

" _Of course not, my dear, he worked for Samaritan."_

" _So everything he told me was a lie. That I couldn't go home to my son because I'd put him in grave danger…it was all a lie to put me into that town to study me?!" Joss demanded as her rage grew. Her trust in the system truly broken, she trusted in the FBI, in Agent Moss; he had sold it to her and she believed his lies, hook, line and sinker. He had known Taylor was her world and she would do anything for her boy and he used it against her._

" _Samaritan needed to learn human behavior, Jocelyn, Agent Moss was tasked to help," Greer reiterated. "But when you started asking too many questions, Samaritan took a deeper look into whom you really were and learned what a gold mine you were. Your relationship with Mr. Reese is the reason you're in here; you were the original detective that searched for the man in the suit, he saved your life as documented in your own words, and then his blood was found at the scene of your apparent death which was hidden away by the machine," Greer explained with hands clasped in front of him. "So tell me, my dear, how close did you and Mr. Reese get?—the cat and mouse game can be quite seductive."_

 _Joss rolled her eyes as she sat with her legs folded under her and she cut the crap. "Yea, well, if you think I can help you find John think again because I can't. You see, I was in a coma for a while since Simmons got me good, then in rehab for months after that, and then I was placed in this hell hole with no contact at all with John," she snarled. And even if she did have contact with John she would never put him at risk by telling this guy. She'd rather die first._

" _Oh, Jocelyn, I can assure you that you're not here to help me_ _ **find**_ _Mr. Reese, you're here because you might prove useful to bring him to us."_

 _Joss cocked a brow, hiding her worry. John would surely hand himself over to them if he thought it would save her. But she kept her poker face. "John and I weren't that close," she lied._

" _Jocelyn, you're not a very good liar, but I guess we'll see, won't we? However, as of right now Samaritan has other plans for Mr. Reese, surely we can round him and the others up without using you to our advantage. And if that is indeed the case, Jocelyn, I'm sorry to inform you that you will no longer be of use to Samaritan. And since you love a deviant, therefore you are one, and Samaritan executes deviants," Greer murmured._

" _Harold, John, and Shaw will stop you!"_

 _Greer smiled. "Ms. Shaw can't stop anything. Her brain is a wondrous thing and she put up a valiant effort, but we broke her down."_

" _You have Shaw," Joss whispered._

" _Indeed, we needed a test subject and we apprehended her when she saved your mutual friends. We have been causing her a great deal of pain. She put up a brave front claiming she enjoyed it, until she screamed for us to stop."_

" _Leave her alone," Joss asked softly, knowing he wasn't going to let her go but she couldn't help but beg for mercy for Shaw. Shaw didn't deserve to be tested on for Samaritan's amusement._

" _I'm sorry my dear, I cannot do that. She has more tests to go through. Just be happy you're in your hole here with company coming, rather than with Ms. Shaw, which I could arrange if you try to escape once more," Greer said with a sinister smile._

 _The door to the room opened and two operatives headed her way with someone who had a hood over their head and arms behind their back. The person was pushed inside landing on their knees, handcuffed to the cage, and the hood was removed. It was a woman Joss didn't recognize. The agents exited the cage and locked the door up tight._

" _Hello Ma'am welcome to your new home. I told you I'd find you a hole so deep that no one would find you," Greer said with hands clasped behind his back as he stepped to face Control directly._

" _Greer, you are making a terrible mistake," she sneered._

" _You two ladies keep each other company as I must bid you both a fond farewell for a while. I have some rounding up to do," Greer said with a cold smile residing on his face before he turned and walked away._

 _Joss looked at the woman. "Better get comfortable because you're going to be here a while. But John will find me and save us. I know it," she said, refusing to give up on her hope that John would find her. Now that she got her message to the super computer it could tell John so he could come to her._

" _John as in Agent Reese, former CIA?" the other woman said._

 _Joss blinked in surprise. "You know John?"_

" _Yes, I'm the one that gave him and his partner's kill order when they were sent to Ordos," she admitted as she tugged on her cuffed hand._

 _Joss eyed her. "Good thing you're in that other cage or I'd kick your ass."_

 _The brunette looked her way as she gave up on the futile attempt to free herself from the cuff. "And who the hell are you?" she demanded._

" _I'm Homicide Detective Joss Carter of the NYPD's 8_ _th_ _precinct and that man you tried to kill is someone I care about. He's a good man, trying to help people that weren't relevant to national security, not that you care about them. You probably just cared about keeping the god damn computer thing a secret."_

" _How the hell do you know about the machine?" the woman demanded. Joss wasn't going to tell her what she had figured out on her own. She had heard rumblings that the government wanted a system that would protect the country from the next terrorist threat but she never knew that the system had been created. Not until she thought long and hard about how John and Harold got their nearly too good to be true information. Joss didn't know the exact inner workings of how this super computer worked, but she knew enough, and Harold had confirmed it when she blithely announced it to him. He hadn't disputed it and he gave her a knowing look before he turned and left._

" _It isn't relevant," Joss said after a moment._

" _Well if you must know I have come to hope that Reese and his associates find Agent Shaw and succeed in stopping Decima." the woman admitted._

" _To save yourself," Joss sniped._

" _To save the world," the other woman countered. "We need the old machine back, this new one is the real threat to America, more so than any terrorist."_

" _Wait, old machine, what the hell does that mean?" Joss asked having a bad feeling. If the machine was gone that meant her message wasn't going to get to John which meant he wasn't going to be on his way any time soon._

" _It's a long story," the woman said, a resigned tone in her voice._

" _Well if you hadn't noticed we have nothing but time on our hands," Joss stated with a motion of where they were with her free hand. "Start from the beginning and start with just who the hell you are."_

* * *

AN: Since I know a lot of you guys stopped after 3x9 in 4x22 Control was promised to be taken to some hole so that's why I added her in this and she served a little use to me to help Joss understand about a new bad machine. Next chapter John learns who took Joss...

Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

John and Fusco sat in his car, engine off as they waited for Finch's phone call which finally came over an hour later. John immediately put it on speakerphone so Fusco could hear. "What do you have, Finch?"

"I hacked the hospital's archives and glanced over the information of the woman that was admitted that the machine felt was the best match for Jocelyn."

"And?"

"It all sounds nearly too good to be true, Mr. Reese," Finch said softly.

"Do they keep archived footage?" Fusco spoke up.

"I checked, but the footage from time that the Jane Doe was admitted was mysteriously erased. However I did learn as I hacked the FBI database that Agent Robert Moss had traveled to Pennsylvania at the same time the Jane Doe was brought to Corry Memorial."

"That has to be her. It seemed Agent Moss was tasked with her case," John said, feeling a surge of newfound hope that they were going to find Joss sooner rather than later. "It sounds like Joss was placed in Witness Protection out of fear of retaliation against her by what was left of the loyal members of HR," he murmured. It was an airtight case against Quinn, even with Joss's apparent death, with the amount of rock solid evidence Carter collected and Simmons was dead already. So knowing Carter as well as he figured he did: she had reluctantly agreed to WPP because of her son, Taylor, to protect him from any danger.

John smiled. She was such a wonderful mother. And all the pain he endured was worth it because she was alive and did what she had to, to protect her son. It was just one of the many things that he loved about Joss.

"I have to agree with your assessment, however there is something I need to tell you, Mr. Reese," Harold said softly, drawing him from his internal musings.

"What is it, Finch?"

"Well from what I could glean from Agent Robert Moss's logs, it appears that he had traveled to Pennsylvania at the time 'Jane Doe' was admitted that matched Jocelyn's attributes even down to notation on a large scar crossing her stomach. The 'Jane Doe' had been shot in the chest, coded twice on the way to Lenox Hill Hospital. Once there, and was in a coma for nearly two weeks before waking up, which defied all odds she was given," Harold said and John closed his eyes. It was her, it was Joss. She was alive.

"So she was in New York for a little bit after the shooting," John whispered roughly.

"Yes, from Moss's report it sounds like they loaded Jocelyn into the coroner's truck to make everyone believe she was deceased. They rushed her to the hospital, desperately trying to save her and the FBI effectively hid the fact that she was alive with the Jane Doe brought to the morgue instead of Jocelyn. When she finally woke from her coma is when she was transported to the Pennsylvania hospital. A police detail protected her room which I found out from the hospital archives which took some doing since they were protected. Several months after the first initial trip to Corry Memorial Hospital Agent Moss went back to Pennsylvania and that Jane Doe, whom we believe to be is Jocelyn, was checked out, which was logged however there is a missing thirty-six hour window afterwards. The next time he logged anything was when he went into a meeting with a head Agent in Washington D.C," Harold continued.

"That's not so strange, Finch. He probably was settling Joss into her life in whatever city they were placing her. With her being in the WPP he might not have wanted it known," John murmured softly.

"That might not be strange in itself, but other factors rang it peculiar: for instance, all video of the day Jane Doe was checked out were erased. Also for the fact that as I dug for any clue as to Jocelyn's identity and where she was taken, there is nothing. So I hacked Agent Moss's personal information and on his personal credit card account I found he had used a car rental service during that missing thirty-six hour period between his logs."

"So naturally you hacked into that too," Fusco supplied.

"Yes, I hacked their database to check the GPS coordinates for the car he rented to see where he went during that missing thirty-six hours," Harold explained.

"And…I hate the climatic build up, Glasses!" Fusco said with a roll of the eyes.

"John, if we believe that this woman is Jocelyn and in all indications it sounds like it, then Agent Moss took Jocelyn to Maple New York," Finch finished heavily as he pinched the bridge of his nose, knowing how John was going to react.

John froze. "Maple, New York," he whispered.

"Yes, the same small town where we had thought Sameen was taken only to learn it was a town owned by Samaritan who used it as its own personal ant farm to understand human behavior. This happened months before you and Ms. Groves went there to find Ms. Shaw, only for it to be a dead end."

"Are you telling me that Agent Moss of the FBI worked for Samaritan and took Joss to Maple, New York to be studied?" John asked gently and Fusco knew that look. The stiffening of the big guy's features, the clenching of his jaw, he was seething inside underneath the blank calm he was forcing.

"I'm saying it's a possibility, John. This is all on the basis of who we presume is the Jane Doe," Finch answered as gently as he could.

"Joss wasn't in Maple when Root and I got there. That place was small, I would have seen her," he rationalized. He and Root had canvased the entire town in their ruthless pursuit of Shaw. He would have seen her, smelled her sweet Jasmine scent. He just would have known she was there.

"Ms. Groves is already halfway to Maple right now to go check out the small town to see if Jocelyn is still there. But Ms. Groves seems to be in agreement with you that you would have seen her if Jocelyn had been there when you two were. So if Jocelyn was in Maple, New York at some point, Jocelyn was removed for some reason before you and Ms. Groves showed up to look for Ms. Shaw," Finch said as hope slipped from his voice once more. He was afraid of the reason why Jocelyn was removed, he was afraid Joss survived the takedown of HR only to be murdered by Samaritan.

John curled his hands around the steering wheel. "Where is he?" he asked darkly.

"Mr. Reese…"

"Where is Agent Moss, Finch, he's the only lead I have to find her?" John requested softly. He heard Finch's fingers tapping away on his keyboard.

"Currently, he's in D.C., John. He won't be back in New York for another couple days."

"I won't be waiting for him to come back to New York. Lionel and I need your private jet, Harold, and we need a car waiting for us when we land in D.C.," he said.

"I'll have a car waiting for you by the time you land in D.C., I'll call my pilot," Harold said softly, trying to calm John. "You know the airport." Finch said.

"Yes," he answered shortly, before hanging up on Harold. John rolled down the window and looked out his window to the camera across the street. "I need Agent Moss's location when we get in D.C.," he said with a pointed look. His phone buzzed with a text that he didn't bother to glance at.

Fusco eyed Reese. "Well if we are going to D.C. we need to head to my place first so I can pack a bag." he said and John glared. "Hey, don't give me that death look. You packed a bag for yourself and your guns. I just want a small one for a change of clothes unless of course you want to smell me in the same clothes for days on end."

John frowned. "Fine, we'll head to your place. But Lionel, make it quick or I'll leave without you." And Fusco knew Reese wasn't joking in the slightest.

* * *

AN: *rant so skip this lol* Fuck you Person of Interest and all your lying shit. I'm not watching season 5 live now, I'll wait until I download them off my itunes and watch just Reese scenes because he's the only good thing about this stupid show anyways. They took Carter from me, they take the format of the show I loved away from me, and I tried really hard to continue on be a good sport about all the changes even though I disagreed with them because of one man only: Jim. I love John Reese and his beautiful complexity. Well I'm done being a good sport, done with listening to the lies, done with watching characters I can barely stomach, I am done trying to make sense of all your stupid fucking mistakes, and I'm just done. And Jim, my favorite actor and beautiful soul from inside out, I hope you get on a new show or new project that isn't a piece of shit because you deserve a 1000 times better treatment.

Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

_**AN: This is like the longest chapter of the story but I didn't want to break it up.**_

* * *

Fusco and Reese arrived in D.C. after only a forty-five minute flight and about ten minutes of gathering their things and packing the car rental. Reese's phone buzzed with Moss's coordinates. He was at the FBI's field office in D.C. and Fusco wondered just how the hell were they going to get to talk to Moss alone there?

"How the hell are we going to storm the FBI's field office, Reese?—I know we want to find Carter, but even you have to realize how insane that is."

John didn't look at him. That had been the plan. But as Fusco so delicately pointed out, it was riddled with problems. "I'll have the machine help us."

"How?"

"Lionel, haven't you learned anything about the machine?"

"No and I want to keep it that way. I know enough. It helps with violent crimes and those relevant to national security. The rest of its wizardry, I don't wanna know!" Fusco commented as he drove. Reese had allowed him to, as he leaned his head back and was rubbing his forehead as if he had a headache. "Rest will ya, we are getting close to maybe finding Carter and I need you not falling asleep at the switch."

"No, I'm fine."

Fusco thinned his lips. Reese was one exhausted but stubborn S-O-B. "Fine, since you don't want to rest, let's talk about Red." he said.

"Excuse me?"

"You know-Iris, your shrink that you're seeing and not just for your noggin. What are you going to do about her?" he demanded. It wasn't his place to judge, he made some lousy mistakes himself. And wonder-boy dating his shrink was an all-around bad idea. Lionel understood the attraction Reese had for the head doctor. Iris Campbell was pretty, intelligent, and she cut through Reese's crap. Seemed wonder-boy had a thing about that. But now that Carter was back from the dead Red stood no shot in hell with the big guy.

John hadn't really thought about Iris at all, not since he learned Joss was alive. "How do you even know about Iris, Lionel?" he wondered.

He snorted. "Red is good at many things, secret relationships isn't one of them. She was jealous of you and Frankie, plus she looked at you in a way that wasn't at all like a doctor should be eyeballing her patient. I'm not judging or anything, wonder-boy, Red just couldn't resist your sunny demeanor," Fusco joked.

"Iris and I are not really anything, Lionel," he said finally.

"Really?" Fusco asked skeptically.

"Really. It was just a couple kisses, two home cooked meals, and me going back on my word," John said softly. He had tried to ignore the yearning in him at Iris's words and her eager kiss. He didn't remember the last time a woman told him they had feelings for him that weren't just sexual. He had been so tired of being alone and Iris had kissed him at the right moment when he was feeling weak.

"What do you mean?" Fusco asked confused.

John would rather talk about this less than he wanted to sleep. "I promised I'd tell Iris everything if I survived saving the machine," he said softly.

"And which you did and then you told her squat," Fusco supplied with a rueful smirk. Reese was Reese; you couldn't change the big guy even if you wanted to.

"I couldn't, Lionel, knowing anything about me was dangerous, being with me was dangerous, and for the fact that I…" he started and then trailed off.

"And for the fact that you what?" Fusco demanded as he continued to drive to the field office.

"I couldn't stop thinking about Joss," John confessed, looking down. After all those years of hiding his feelings, of hiding from them, he had gotten so good at it he hadn't realized the truth until it was too late. That he loved Joss. And he hadn't been willing to let Joss go which halted any romantic entanglement between him and Iris.

"So you got scared of moving on from Carter and clammed up on Red," Fusco said.

John frowned. "That's a way of putting it," he muttered and Fusco snorted. He was calling it like he saw it.

"So how did Iris take it?"

"She told me she was going to wait for me," he whispered as he looked out the window. Her words panicked him. John didn't want her to wait for him because he hadn't believed he would ever learn to let Joss go and now…now, he might have Joss back and all that suffering without her would be worth it.

Fusco nodded. "Well I think you need to let Red down gently, sounds like she's got feelings for you and the woman that you love is alive once more."

John leaned his head back against the headrest. "I know," he murmured and Fusco stopped talking about Iris because he knew John was beating himself up over it. Red was a pretty and an intelligent woman, she'd find another that was better suited for her than Reese. Their relationship was doomed to fail and it made him wonder if it wasn't the reason why Reese responded to it because he knew it could lead nowhere which was no risk to the big guy's heart.

John relaxed as the conversation faded away. Joss was his first and only priority. They pulled up to a stop in front of the field office. "Well here we are," Fusco said as they looked out the window to eye the large white building. "Better call in Yoda."

John nodded in agreement. He put the earwig into his ear and he answered the call immediately from the machine, going in as Root would say: God Mode.

" _Can. You. Hear. Me_?"

"Yes, I need you to get Moss to leave the field office." John murmured.

" _Alright_."

"Preferably a place that has a rooftop so we won't be disturbed as we…talk." John murmured and Fusco eyed him in worry.

"You're going to drop this guy off the side of a building aren't you?" Fusco griped. Great, he had a homicidal Reese on his hands.

John ignored him as the machine got him a location. " _High Rise Office Building at 455 Massachusetts Avenue_ ," it supplied.

"Sounds good to me, alert me when he arrives and turn the cameras off when he does. Lionel and I might need your help to get to the rooftop," he murmured.

" _Yes._ "

"I want to see him now," John ordered.

" _He'll be there soon_ ,"the machine replied.

"Good," John agreed as he turned to look at Fusco. "Drive to 455 Massachusetts Avenue, we have a high rise office building's roof we need to get to."

"Reese, we need this guy alive to find out Carter's whereabouts. You can't throw him off the side of a high-rise office building!"

"I won't drop him until he tells me where Joss is."

"You can't at all. That's murder."

"He worked for Samaritan, Fusco."

"And that's supposed to make me approve of this agent's murder? Look, I know you want to find her, so do I, but remember the burned Earth campaign didn't work when we searched for Simmons', it's not going to work now. You need to do this the right way." Fusco counseled.

"I just want her back, Lionel. I don't care about how I obtain the information. I don't care what happens to Moss afterwards. I just want her."

"And we're going to find her but, Reese, I'm just saying; don't kill him," Fusco tried to explain. John wanted to kill him. Moss took Joss from him, from her son, made life for them unbearable. Moss worked for Samaritan who had taken Shaw and nearly destroyed her and now Joss was missing, most likely due to Samaritan, and he wanted to know where she was or everyone and everything was going to burn to the fucking ground. "Reese…Carter won't want this guy dead and you know it."

Reese was quiet for a long while. "I won't kill him, for Joss," he murmured finally as Fusco pulled up in front of a large twelve story building. Fusco nodded as they climbed out, at least glad for one small victory. "Pop the trunk, Lionel," John instructed and Lionel clicked the button on the car-keypad.

Reese rounded the car and opened the bag that contained his various guns grabbing two semi-automatic handguns, handing Lionel one before pocketing the other at the back of his pants. He inserted an extra clip into the inside pocket of his wool jacket. Fusco passed on it, having a feeling three clips was more than enough bullets for Moss. John slammed the trunk closed.

"I guess I should be happy you didn't bring your C4 with you to meet with this guy," Fusco complained.

"Blowing him up isn't a half bad idea, Lionel," John murmured and Fusco couldn't tell if he was joking or not. They entered the office building and the machine was pulling strings right and left as the receptionist at the bottom floor was running around as her computers went haywire. John and Lionel merely walked by without anyone paying them attention as they approached the elevator. The machine gave him the code to access the rooftop.

"It's creepy it can do that." Fusco grumbled. His phone buzzed and rolled his eyes. "Okay now that's just creepier!" making John smile as he leaned over to see the text Fusco was reading: _I'm not creepy_.

"You're going to hurt HER feelings, Lionel."

"Her?—you've been hanging out with Fruit Loops too long." Lionel jabbed and after their long ascent up they exited the elevator and stepped out onto the rooftop. "Now what?"

"We wait for Agent Moss to show and then he's going to tell me where Joss is or else," John said simply with a small smile that made Fusco shiver.

* * *

Moss climbed out of his car feeling jittery. He finally got a call from Samaritan asking him to come to the rooftop of the 455 Massachusetts Avenue high-rise office building. He hadn't heard anything from anyone in a while. He had known that deviants were threatening Samaritan but he had been tasked with keeping an eye in the field office in D.C., and he did as he was told. He always did what he was told.

Moss entered the office building and glanced at the camera and it blinked. He walked past the receptionist's desk as there was no one there anyway. It was eerily quiet in what he supposed was a busy office. He thought Samaritan and Mr. Greer must need this meeting to be secret to remove everyone. As he bypassed the camera he didn't see it turn off, his phone buzzed with the code to access the rooftop and he smiled as he eyed the camera in the elevator.

"I'm so glad you're alright. I haven't heard anything from you," he murmured.

Moss looked down at his phone and saw a text with: I'm fine. He smiled as he waited for the elevator to ascend to the top. Most likely Greer was waiting for him with Samaritan's new task for him to do. Maybe he wanted him to go grab Carter and Control to use them as leverage against the deviants. He couldn't believe Joss Carter had known who the vigilante man in the suit was. It had been right under his nose, right under Donnelly's nose! He hoped she rotted in that hole they placed her in.

When the elevator doors finally opened he stepped out and walked onto the large roof the chilly breeze ruffled his hair up. He glanced around and didn't see Greer and furrowed his brows as the elevator closed.

A piercing sound broke the silence and a searing pain ripped through his kneecap as he grabbed at the blood and throbbing pain that ebbed from there. He fell to the ground and shouted in anguish. He writhed in pain as he watched a tall guy with gray at the temples slide out from behind the gigantic air conditioner followed by a shorter chubby man.

"See, I told you Lionel, I wasn't going to shoot him in the head," the man had a low raspy voice.

Moss shook in pain. "I know you, you're the man in the suit," he said through clenched teeth.

"Gee, Captain Obvious, you're a smart one," the chubby shorter man said with a roll of the eyes as he eyed him. "What does he look like: a gun toting tooth fairy?" the short guy said sarcastically pointing to the taller man.

Moss reached for his gun and screamed in agony as the tall man stepped on his blown out knee. "I wouldn't do that if I was you," he murmured softly as he applied more pressure on his throbbing wound. "I can think of far worse places to jam a quarter than under a pillow," the man's voice was low with promise.

Moss grabbed his knee when the man in the suit finally let his foot off his knee to reach down and grab his gun from him and handed it to his cohort. "You're attacking a federal agent," Moss said through gritted teeth.

"No, I'm attacking a Samaritan agent. You're not a federal agent any longer, not when you swore your allegiance to Decima and Samaritan."

"What did you do to Samaritan?" Moss demanded.

"Destroyed it, Greer's dead as well as much of the Samaritan and Decima agents, while the others that are left were rounded up and arrested, and they have no hope of pleading their case. The government now views Decima and Samaritan agents as home-grown terrorists. You'll be going to prison for a long, long time."

"Thanks to you!"

"Thanks to Samaritan trying to kill a governor, we just proved who was behind the assassination plot. Not our fault your 'god' tried to take over too much. But I'm not here to talk about Samaritan's demise or yours for that matter. I want one thing from you and you will give me it."

"What?" Moss demanded as he stared into cold steel blue eyes above him.

"Carter's location."

Moss laughed. "You haven't found her or Control."

"Control?—who the hell is that?" the chubby man demanded.

"An outlier, I was tasked with taking her to her hole. Carter and Control are together, surely dead by now," Moss sneered.

John lost his tenuous grasp on his temper as he grabbed the man by his lapels lifted him up and dragged him to the side of the building. "REESE!" John ignored Fusco as he pushed the man over the edge and held him there and listened to Moss's panicked shrieks.

"You better pray she's not dead because I will make sure you die in the slowest and most painful way possible," John threatened as he held the squirming man. "Where is she?—I know about you placing Joss in Maple and then Samaritan removed her…why?"

"I was tasked with bringing men and women to that small town so Samaritan could watch them and understand them. Samaritan got suspicious of her when she asked too many questions and then realized who she really was! She's where she is because of you!" Moss shouted in panic.

John stiffened but otherwise didn't outwardly react to that. "Where did Samaritan take her?"

"The moment I tell you you'll kill me. I have something you want, you'll have to do what I say," Moss said, suddenly demonstrating a far overrated bravado. John pulled him from the edge and flung him onto the ground. Then he turned, pulled his gun out and shot the man in the other knee and Moss screamed in agony as he beat the ground with his fist as tears blurred his vision.

"You think you have leverage to make a deal, you don't. I have the rest of this clip and two more clips to go through and I will put a new hole in you every minute you do not tell me where she is," John snarled and thought about Shaw. She needed healing and torturing this man for Joss's location could help her exercise some of her pent up rage she was still dealing with. And his finger relaxed off the trigger and he smiled as he lowered the gun from aiming for his shoulder. "Tell me Agent Moss, do you know who Sameen Shaw is?"

Moss nodded and John noted the hard swallow, and noticeable fear on the man's face at the mention of Shaw. Ah, someone made a first impression. "Yes," he answered finally.

"Do you know she has an Axis II type personality disorder? She has emotions but can't really feel them all that much. The only one she says she can feel is anger. And after the torture she endured from Samaritan she's angry, very…angry, and would benefit from torturing you to get the location of where Joss is. I'm humane, she won't be. So I will ask you one more time where Carter is, and if you don't tell me I'm going to call Shaw and I'm going to let her tear you apart until you beg to die," John promised, turning the human side of him off, finding the person that Kara enjoyed. "Now, where is Carter?"

Moss shook as he held his knees. "In New York," he answered slowly.

"That's not good enough, where in New York?" he commanded as he stepped on his new wound. "I won't ask again, Moss, tell me or I'll take you to Shaw."

Moss bit down on his lower lip to keep from screaming in pain. "Samaritan had created an underground bunker in the small town of Argyle, up near the border. It's hidden away in the woods! There was security watching it when I brought Control in. They were called away the moment Samaritan realized you and the other deviants were coming for it. The door to enter the bunker is thick and heavy steel and was padlocked shut. PLEASE GET OFF MY LEG!" he shouted before he gasped in a breath as John stopped stepping on his injured knee.

John stood stiffly. "Are you telling me that Samaritan left the woman I love to die in a hole starving and thirsty?" he asked softly. Samaritan only played that transmission under the assumption he wouldn't be able to find her, torturing him with the knowledge that she had been alive and out there, but died because he couldn't find her in time.

Fusco grabbed Reese's wrist that held the gun a split second before he could lift it to empty the gun into this Moss's face. Fusco felt the shudder of rage shaking Reese's body. "Carter won't want this man dead. Carter treats everyone better than she treats herself. She's the best one of us, so see this through her eyes John. Do things her way. Be the man that you know she wants you to be: a better one." Fusco said before looking down at Moss.

John let out a wounded growl as he tugged his hand free and fired the gun near the man's head. "Next one I won't miss, Lionel." he hissed in barely contained anguish and rage. Fusco eyed Reese in worry because he was close to snapping and he knew he wouldn't be able to prevent him next time from killing this man.

"Will explosives work to open the door to where she's being held?" Fusco demanded. He needed to get John away from this man.

"It should," he said, voice trembling from pain.

Fusco nodded before he punched him hard in the face and the man fell unconscious before straightening. Reese glanced at his phone as it buzzed, before he whirled around to head for the elevator once more. Fusco eyed Reese's profile as he hurried to keep up, grateful for small favors that John wasn't looking to murder this man any longer.

"We need to go Lionel; we need to get back in New York. If what he said was true, that means the supply of water and food has been cut off." he said thickly. John couldn't swallow the raw agony he was feeling at the moment as they began sprinting for the elevator. Fusco didn't even want to know what kind of damage Reese was doing to his stitches in his right thigh.

"Wait a minute what about this guy?-I mean I'm glad you aren't going psychopathic on him but he needs to be apprehended." Fusco asked with a point to Moss who was lying on the ground unmoving.

"The machine wants to take care of him for us, promising to not kill him, while we focus on Joss." John murmured as they entered the elevator. Fusco nodded his head. He hoped whatever the machine did made sure Moss rotted in prison for the rest of his stinking life. "We need to call Finch, Shaw, and Root. We need all hands on deck to find this place in the woods where this bunker is located; we're going to find Joss before it's too late," John vowed as he tried hard to believe his words.

* * *

AN: I know I kind of underplayed the Iris/John romance but they didn't really show much after 'Skip' so I decided to take that into consideration. And if you have been patiently waiting to see Joss again then next chapter is for you.

Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

_**AN: Hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I wanted to do a callback to an episode I loved but twist it for our pleasure ;D**_

* * *

"Joss," Joss blinked her eyes open at that sexy low voice she would recognize anywhere sounded, drawing her name out. She stared at John who sat beside her in her cage, legs stretched out in front of him with hands clasped in his lap, and her heart started pounding.

"John?" she whispered in awe. "How did you…" she trailed off as she barely lifted her head up. Her mouth was so dry, her stomach felt like it was eating away at itself, and the world felt like it was spinning. Joss tried to focus and understand how he was inside her cage with her. How did he get here? When did he get here? And why wasn't he urgently trying to get her out of here?

He smiled down at her. "You need to keep going Joss," he said softly.

"Why? Who anointed you my keeper?" she mumbled.

"You did. Your heart pounding isn't because I'm here," John murmured.

"Are you sure?—because you sure look hot." she said as she eyed him. John was looking really good in jeans and a leather jacket that she wished he would wear more often.

John smirked. "You're having heart palpitations because you're dying of dehydration, Joss."

"I like my idea better," she muttered as she wiggled to get closer to him, wanting to touch him.

He chuckled. "I'm sure you do. But you need to focus. Don't give up on hope just yet, Joss," he asked.

"I'm tired, John," she whispered. "I just want to lay here with you and go to sleep for a long, long time."

"I really wish you wouldn't," he countered softly as he lounged back. "Do you really believe that no one is looking for you?"

"How can I go on believing in the impossible, John? You don't know I'm alive. You don't know where I am, who's holding me, nothing," she said as tears filled her eyes. "I can't believe I'm going to die in this cage, alone," she cried. Joss closed her eyes as she sobbed unable to keep it in anymore. It was so unfair. She was so thirsty and hungry. Joss cried for several minutes until she quieted down as she heard him humming to her, a song her mother and father used to hum to her when she was a kid. "How do you know about the song my parents used to hum to me when I was upset?" she wondered aloud as her voice wobbled with emotion.

John smiled as he reached down to touch her face. "Because, Joss, I'm your subconscious' manifestation as you try to survive and wait for rescue."

Joss stared at him. "What?" she demanded.

"I'm a hallucination, you needed me and here I am," John said with a sweep of his arms.

"Great, I'm hallucinating," she said.

His smile grew wider. "I told you, you weren't alone, I'm your friend and I'll always be here for you."

Joss shook her head barely. "But I want you in a different way," she said roughly as she looked up at him. His blue eyes were so bright. "I love you John. I never told you how I really felt before Simmons came and then Moss stole my life from me!" she said bitterly. "They stole my shot at being with you. They stole you from me. They stole my son from me."

"I love you too, which you knew deep inside you, didn't you? It frightened you," he murmured.

"Yes, because you meant everything to me and I was so scared I'd lose you if I said anything, told you I felt the same," she admitted.

"Why?" he asked.

She looked away. "I don't know."

"Oh come now, Joss, yes you do," he said softly and knowingly, she glared at him.

"If you know it then why don't you tell me?" she snapped.

He grinned. "Alright, your past relationships failed and you were scared you'd lose me too if you admitted that you were in love with me. So you buried it, hid from it because it was easier to pretend than realize the truth."

Joss felt her heart hammer. "You do know," she whispered in awe.

He shrugged. "Well Joss, I'm the embodiment of the subconscious, so of course I know how you feel," he said with a soft smile. "It's okay to be afraid once in a while, Joss."

"But my fear made it so I never told you how I felt and now I might never get to."

"That's why you need to fight Joss. You want to tell me how you really feel?"

"Yes…"

"Then fight. You want to see your son again, don't you?" he asked.

"Desperately, I want to see my son again," she said roughly as tears filled her dry crusted eyes once more.

"Think about seeing him again, Joss. Hold onto your hope to see your son again. Think of when you held him in your arms for the first time when he was born," he murmured and Joss closed her eyes and got lost in the memory.

"He was so soft and perfect. All that pain, worry, and sickness was worth it to hold him in my arms," Joss whispered with a smile. "He had tiny little toes and little fingers." she could almost remember it as if that was just yesterday when she held Taylor in her arms for the first time. He was everything to her from that moment on. John, or her subconscious, was right, she had to fight to see Taylor again, her son deserved nothing less.

She opened her eyes and saw her hallucination John was still there with her. She was glad because she would take a figment of her imagination of John at this point. Joss swallowed hard trying to work the desert that formed in her mouth away. "Thank you," she whispered.

He stared down at her. "You have nothing to thank me for, Joss."

"Yes, I do, thank you for not letting me be alone. I need you."

"I'm here for you," he murmured before looking away from her to the other cage. "Maybe you should check on your friend over there. She hasn't said anything in a while, Joss."

"She tried to kill the real you, John, not the hallucination you, but the real breathing one," she argued with her imagination. "Why should I care what happens to her?"

He shrugged. "Because that's who you are, besides she failed."

"When I get my hands on you I'm going to make it so you're not so glib about your well-being," she huffed. She couldn't wait til she got her hands on him.

He chuckled. "Well, Joss, you know how I feel about myself."

"I do, you don't love yourself. I'll love you enough for the both of us."

"Joss, make sure she's okay, you know you want to," he murmured.

Joss sighed. "You're a bossy hallucination," she complained softly as she struggled to do as her hallucination-John asked. She rolled onto her back and felt even dizzier. "Control," she called weakly. "Control!" she said a little bit louder.

"Hmmm…"

"You hanging in there?" she tried yelling but it came out as a soft whisper.

"For now, I'm so thirsty."

"Me too," Joss responded before grasping John's hand, she didn't have the strength to roll back onto her side and instead just turned her head. "Happy now?"

"I am," he agreed.

Joss stared up into his big blue eyes. "Will you stay with me?"

"Of course, now refocus on your son and me and thinking about seeing us again, Joss," he purred softly before he once more began humming the same soft lullaby from earlier to her and lulled her into contentment.

* * *

AN: I wanted to do a reversal of Terra Incognita because John hallucinated Joss to survive and I can't help but believe Joss would do the same. Next chapter team machine get on with their search for Joss :)

Thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

Shaw growled, grabbing Reese as he stumbled into the underground subway limping badly, using Fusco as a crutch. "Finch and Root are scouring the map and any digital references they can find of Argyle," she said impatiently as she, with the help of Lionel, shoved John down onto the bench. "You fucked up my stitches again didn't you?" she growled as she palmed his wound in his leg and pulled it back wet with his blood. She had worked a number and was careful to not fuck up her own stitches, why couldn't he take two damn seconds to not pop a stitch! That's it, after they rescued Carter she was slipping him sleeping pills so he'd have to rest and relax his body!

"Yea, because wonder-boy here decided running from the damn jet to his car was a good idea," Fusco complained.

"Patch me up, Shaw, we need to hurry to Argyle. There's no telling when the last time Joss had something to drink and we already wasted over three hours getting here because of mechanical issues with the jet!" he hissed in anguish, but not from physical pain, as Shaw undid his belt. He grabbed her hand tightly. "Help Finch find Joss. I'm fine," he snarled, ready to crush her bones in her hand to force her to comply.

"You're blood states otherwise. If you want to find Carter alive you need to stay alive to do so too," she commented as she fixed Fusco with a glare. "I thought I told you to piss and moan at him to change his dressings!" she demanded as she tugged his shirt apart seeing blood staining the bandage she had redone before he had left several hours ago. Reese looked like shit earlier, he looked, if possible, shittier now.

Finch hurried over and eyed the blood on the bandages and the sweatiness to Mr. Reese's forehead. "Did you find her?" John asked desperately as Shaw and Fusco both helped disrobe him to his boxer-briefs with no fight from John any longer as he was sidetracked with Finch. A trail of blood was sliding down his thigh.

"We're narrowing it down with the machine's help. We should have coordinates soon, John, just get patched up and changed and by then we'll have her location," he promised, hoping he could keep it as he whirled around to hurry as fast as he could, minus his own injuries and physical limitations, where Ms. Groves was still searching the computer. She had only gotten back from Maple minutes before John and Detective Fusco arrived. "Please, Ms. Groves, tell me that I can keep my promise to John."

"We're going to find her," Root assured him calmly, putting all of her unwavering trust in the machine. "But we're searching for a needle in a haystack in the woods and there are two sets of wooded areas in Argyle where a bunker could be kept, Harry. But SHE won't rest until she finds Jocelyn and neither will I. John helped me find and rescue Sameen and I will help find and rescue Joss."

Fusco eyed Cocoa Puffs and Glasses looking wrought with worry and determination as they canvased aerial shots of Argyle New York's wooded areas. His eyes drawn back to wonder-boy who he pushed down on his shoulders to keep him from getting up to go 'help' as Shaw was back already with the First Aid Kit and the medical bag she kept there.

"I'll be back I'm going to go get your bag of clothes," Fusco offered as he allowed Shaw to fix wonder-boy up and hurried to exit. They had a limited time frame to work with. The human body could go only days without water and there was no telling when Carter and this woman called Control had gotten any last.

"We need to move now," John said thickly, he didn't even seem aware of Shaw suturing him up once more.

"We will when we have a location. We'll waste more time just searching for her without a place in mind. Reese, you know this." she said logically as she focused on her stitch work.

"I need to find her."

Shaw looked up into his eyes. "I know. We will. This is the best plan," she said simply. Finch would be better at calming John than her. Hell, the fucking dog would be better at this, but she was elected with everyone else busy doing something to find Carter.

John remained silent because Shaw was right. Not knowing where they were headed would waste more time than systematically finding the place beforehand. He felt a tap on his shoulder and Fusco was back and handing him fresh dress pants and an undershirt. He shoved to his feet to get dressed the moment Shaw was finished.

"Can you try to not rip your stitches?" Shaw asked. "I'm getting sick of seeing your ass half-naked."

"She only likes me naked, John." Root said with a grin as she rushed out of the subway with Finch behind her. He was already getting Bear on his leash. "I have a location that looks disturbed and from aerial shots of just weeks ago men in suits were there," Root continued, immediately getting to business.

John finished tying his shoes. "That's it then. Let's go." He murmured as he tugged on his coat once more. "Moss said the door is made of heavy steel but explosives could blow it open."

"But there is no telling if that will harm Jocelyn or not," Harold murmured. He didn't want to hurt Joss when they were trying to save her.

Root eyed him. "It's a risk we need to take because if we don't get in there, John's detective is good as dead anyway. We took down Samaritan and Decima which means Joss's water and food source are gone. It sounds like Decima was keeping Carter as a way to lure John to them if Samaritan failed in its attempt to find us itself."

John didn't comment because none of that mattered. Joss did, only Joss. He whirled around and limped the way he entered. "I have everything we need to save her in my trunk," he said, leaving them to follow him.

"Except for the kitchen sink," Fusco complained.

"Which would be a good idea because if Carter is dehydrated we need to get her water!" Shaw commented.

"On the way we'll stop for water for both Joss and Control," John murmured as he they filed out of the subway in a hurry.

"Wait a minute, Control is there?—who says we need to save her?" Shaw demanded. She hadn't wanted to save her the first damn time she was forced to when her number came up.

"Shaw…Joss won't let us leave her behind," John said lowly.

"Fine, we'll save her because Carter will want it, but this is the last fucking time!"

* * *

Lionel drove Reese and Finch while Root, Bear, and Shaw were in the car right behind them. Finch kept looking at John in the backseat who was pushed back there because of his leg. The drive up to Argyle was about four hours which was practically killing the big guy.

"It's been over twenty-four hours now since we have known Joss is really alive." John said as he trembled in the backseat. To be exact it was closing in on thirty, he had been running on adrenaline this entire time. "And god knows how long before then since she had anything to drink."

"Think positive, Mr. Reese," Finch attempted to soothe his friend.

"The takedown of Samaritan and Decima took hours, which means she might not have had anything since a day before that. She could possibly be already two days without water, maybe more." John continued without hearing Finch.

"I know it's a possibility, John, but we are almost there. We'll get to her in time," Finch said softly, trying to comfort him.

Fusco looked into the rearview mirror at Reese. "Do you really think Carter fought this long and hard to just die alone in some hole? Carter's a fighter, a survivor, John, she's going to fight to see her kid again. That boy means everything to her,"Lionel said, piling onto Glasses' optimism.

John remained quiet. He wanted to desperately believe them. He didn't want to believe that after how far they had come to find her that they would arrive too late. That he arrived too late, again, and that he failed to save her just as he failed to save Jessica.

"Please, let me be in time to save her," he whispered to God. "I never asked you for anything but please give me this."

Finch looked down and Fusco cleared his throat as they both pretended to not hear John, knowing they both had. Fusco continued on as he passed the 'Welcome to Argyle' sign and drove deep into the small town nearly to the limits to find the wooded areas.

Finch eyed the coordinates. "Pull over here, Detective." Finch instructed. And with barely stopping John was out of the car and waiting for the trunk to be popped open. Fusco did so and Reese was grabbing the bag of guns and explosives as Root and Shaw pulled up behind them.

Shaw exited the car and hurried to Reese's side and kept a steady hand on him. He lost a lot of blood from the last time he popped his stitches. He needed a day or more of sleep just to look human. Stubble roughened his jaw, aging him ten or so more years and her worry over him grew. She shared a look with Root who nodded as she strategically stepped onto John's other side and they kept close just in case he took a header.

Mr. Peabody led the way with Bear, Fusco eyeballing Lucy and Ethel keeping an eye on Mr. Fabulous. Now that John was being watched as a hawk he could focus on finding his partner. He carried the two bottles of water along with several bottles of Gatorade they had stopped to get on their way here. They followed Einstein as he led the way with Bear as they pulled to a stop.

"This is the coordinates," Finch said as he glanced down at the ground.

John dropped to his knees with Root and Shaw beside him laying a steady hand to his shoulder and back, worried he lost steam but realized he was pulling desperately at the ground. Shaw started to help when it became apparent there was something underneath the brush, branches and other wooded debris. They found the hidden steel door beneath that was padlocked shut. Root glanced around and frowned when she saw perfect places for Samaritan's agents to set up shop and watch this door. Her eyes scanned searching for battery operated cameras and sure enough she found a couple dozen high up in trees. Samaritan had this placed locked down when it was up and operational, most likely on a private network so that SHE hadn't been able to see. As she figured Joss was their ace in the hole (quite literally) to lure John to them.

"They sure went to a lot of trouble to hide them," Shaw muttered softly as John began unzipping the bag. She grabbed the C4 from his trembling hands. "Let me do it."

John wanted to yell at her but couldn't because the trembling in him wouldn't go and he needed to get in there sooner than later. So he took the offered assistance from Fusco and Root to get to his feet.

Shaw rigged the C4 and motioned. "It's hot, everyone get behind some cover," she murmured. They all turned and hurried to hide behind the trees. "In three, two, one…" Shaw counted down and pressed down on the remote detonator.

The loud boom sounded, making them all grab at their ears, and squawks of birds sounded as they flew away in fear. The ground shook from the blast wave and John rushed around the tree and saw the door ajar. The padlock was gone but the door was broken due to the blast, he grabbed the metal door and pulled with all his might.

"Reese, damn it, your stitches!" Shaw shouted as she hurried to go help. And soon it was an effort of Fusco, Shaw, John, and Root tugging on the heavy metal door that didn't want to budge thanks to the blast messing with the hinges but gave a groan as it gave way and finally pulled open.

"I'm coming, Joss," John panted raggedly from the exertion and he began taking the dark stairwell two at a time.

Finch rushed ahead with Bear and turned on a flashlight, needing to keep up with John. When he got to the bottom of the stairwell they were in some small and long hallway. There was a station with a chair and computer set up facing one lone door at the end. There was a camera nestled up top facing the door. Finch wondered if that was the camera that Jocelyn had used to send out her SOS to them. The one that they never received until Samaritan figured it would be some cruel twist of fate that John would learn she was alive and have no way to find her. But Samaritan underestimated them…again, and underestimated the bond between John and Joss.

John didn't bother to wait for Root or Shaw to pick the lock as he felt if he waited even one more second to get in that room he would suffocate. She was in there, he felt his heart was threatening to pound out of his chest and his breathing quickened. He ran forward and slammed his entire body into it, shoulder first and with no finesse, just sheer need to be in there and get to Joss, and the lock gave way easily having no shot at stopping his 180 pounds of running momentum. He collapsed onto his hands and knees on the other side unable to catch himself.

He didn't hear Shaw yelling at him, didn't hear anything because it fell on deaf ears as his eyes fell onto an unmoving figure in a cage. "Joss, Joss I'm here!"

* * *

AN: Team machine don't play when one of their own is missing. At the end of this with John just barreling through I wanted it reminiscent of when he did that in the Pilot to showcase how frantic he has become to find Joss. Thanks for reading, I promise you won't have to wait too long for the next chapter I'll post sometime this week again.


	9. Chapter 9

_**AN: I didn't want to promise today just in case I was too busy to post, but here it is. But OMG I finally watched SNAFU (which was better than I was anticipating, though I'm still not changing my stance on watching besides for Reese) and OMG OMG John had a sister. Yep, I am writing a fanfiction where she doesn't die and I kind of want her to be older than him and really overprotective. We finally learned John's mother and father's name, learned he had a sister and what her name is too. Now this is why I am watching the crapfest that is POI for my bae's background to use for my stories for Careese ;D Okay back to regular programming LOL.  
**_

* * *

"Joss," he croaked through a lump in his throat. She was lying on her back in a cage and beside her was another cage where Control laid curled up in a ball. "JOSS!" he shouted half afraid he didn't make it in time as he crawled towards her. His body throbbed in pain but his heart felt shattered in that blinding moment as utter fear draped over him before nearly sobbing in relief as her head barely moved.

"John?" she whispered. He forced his tired and aching body up as he rushed to the cage and eyed the heavy steel lock and chains keeping her from him.

Shaw pushed Reese out of the way. "Let me do it. I'll get to her, you you just keep talking to her," Shaw commanded lowly. He didn't comment as he rounded the cage to where Joss's head was lying.

John dropped to the cold unyielding cement floor, not feeling the pain ebb from his kneecaps. "I'm here, Joss," he said as he touched her fingers through the open holes of the fence. This time a sob did escape him as he touched her soft but cold skin.

Joss stared into his watery blue eyes. "John," she whispered again, so afraid to hope he wasn't still her hallucination and that he was real. She curled her fingers around his loosely unable to do much from being so weak. Even lifting her head was taking too much strength that she didn't have left.

"You're not alone, I'm here," he said as he cried from joy that she was alive. They needed to get her water. Her eyes were sunken in, she was looking confused and she was weak. He lay down on the cement floor to see her eyes and grasped her fingers tightly. "We're going to get you out of here and get you to a hospital. And then we'll call your son," he promised.

Joss felt tears start to fall. "You really are here," she croaked roughly as he was on the outside of the cage and not in with her. That had to mean he was real, right? "Please tell me you're really here and you're not some hallucination again," she begged, wanting to crawl closer to him but couldn't budge a single inch.

"I'm really here, Joss. You're safe now," he promised and she just stared at him blankly. "I don't know how to prove it to you."

"John, I had given up hope of ever seeing you again," she whispered thickly. He turned to get up and go get her water when her fingers tightened on his. "Don't leave me, please." she begged frightened once more that he was only her imagination. And if that was the case it meant she was close to the end and she wanted him to be by her side when her time was up.

"I won't. Finch, open her water so I can give her some. She is severely dehydrated!" John shouted but he didn't need to bother as Finch was already opening the cap and handing it to Fusco.

Shaw didn't want to say that Carter and Control were emaciated out loud because everyone knew they were. The conditions they were in were deplorable to say the least and they needed to get them to a hospital to get them hydrated, cleaned up, and checked for infections. They had to have been down here for a while without any food or water. Root was working on the other fence with Control who hadn't moved much while Shaw finished picking the lock and rushed Carter. Fusco was beside her and was rubbing a hand through Carter's hair trying to soothe her. She refused to release John's fingers through the fence.

"Come on Carter, you need some water in you even if you gag," Fusco muttered as he forced some into her mouth and she did gag a little but he managed to get some down her. "We need to call an ambulance ASAP."

"I'm already on it." Finch shouted as he rushed up the stairs to get to the top so he would have cell reception.

Shaw didn't bother saying a word as Reese laid on the floor, leaned his forehead against the fence on one side while Carter did the same on the other side, their fingers touching, and both had tears down their cheeks. Shaw felt closer to her emotions since her own ordeal and wasn't going to disturb the two. She merely finished picking the lock of the cuff holding Carter to where she was.

"You're free," Shaw whispered gruffly as she got to her feet to go help Root with Control's.

Joss sobbed as she felt John's touch leave her, her eyes opened. "No, you promised you wouldn't leave!" she sobbed brokenly. He wasn't real he was some painful illusion meant to torment her of what she couldn't have.

"I'm not, Joss, I'm not." he promised as he rounded the cage and entered it scooping her up into his arms. "Fusco, get more water into her," he whispered urgently.

Fusco put the bottle to Carter's lips and Reese held her for him as they helped her get some much needed water in. Joss turned her head and dry heaved. "Ambulances are on their way," Finch announced raggedly as he rushed back downstairs.

"I think you guys need to leave. Reese and I will take it from here," Fusco said as he ran to the other woman who was helped out of her cage by Shaw and Root to get her some water too.

John stared at Joss in his arms. "I got you," he murmured as he held her tightly to him.

"Please, stay with me," she begged softly as her head lulled against his arm.

"I'm here. I won't ever leave you Joss," he vowed passionately. He looked at Finch, Shaw, and Root. "Guys, go; Fusco and I will take it from here."

"Are you sure?" Shaw wondered as Fusco helped Control drink a little water who was having as much trouble as Carter was at getting it down.

"We're cops, we have a reason to be here, you guys don't. GO!" John said.

Joss leaned her head against John's strong chest feeling a tiny smile slip onto her face. "You're a cop now?" she whispered, feeling so weak.

"Joss, no sleeping." he said as Shaw, Root, and Finch hurried away with Bear. Fusco rushed up the stairs to wave down the ambulance. John slowly lowered Joss down, careful to not jostle her but he needed to keep an eye on Control as well. He situated Joss in his lap and held onto her, and took a hold of Control's hand in comfort. "That goes for you too, Control, no sleeping. Concentrate on holding my hand," he murmured.

Ma'am barely nodded her head but Joss sighed as she snuggled into him. "I'll listen only if you promise to give me something good, Officer," she whispered faintly, latching onto conversation to do as John asked because it was becoming increasingly harder to keep her eyes open.

"Anything you want Joss, just no closing your eyes," he demanded gently.

"I want you."

"You already had me," he said and then the paramedics and police swarmed the place.

* * *

AN: Well envision this as part 1/2 of their reunion. At least the team got to them in time :) Next chapter: the reunion between Taylor, Joss, and her momma happens so you guys just have to wait one extra chapter to have the other half of their reunion :)

Thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

Joss opened her eyes and gave the room a blurry look around. She heard gentle sobs and then her mother and son were in her line of sight. "Hey," she croaked, which was barely audible but seemingly enough for her mother and son.

"Mom, oh god," Taylor leaned over, rested his head into her neck and cried.

"Oh my baby is awake!" her mother sobbed as she leaned over on the other side.

"Momma, Taylor," she whispered as her own tears welled up in her eyes. She had missed them so much. Joss weakly lifted her arms and wrapped them around them, wanting to comfort them as they were crying. "I've missed you two so much," she said rough with feeling.

"We missed you more, mom," Taylor said, muffled, his face still buried in her neck as she felt his tears wetting her skin. Joss just laid there basking in the feel of her mother and her son in her weak arms. After several minutes they both pulled back and her mother wiped her eyes for her so she didn't have to struggle to reach up weak hands to do it.

"Jocelyn, you gave your boy and me quite the scare. When Detective Fusco called me up to tell me you really were alive I think I started to live again," her mother admitted.

Joss smiled softly as she kept a weak hold on her son's and momma's hands. "How long have I been out?" she asked.

"Two days but the doctor wanted you to rest. They found a bladder infection but otherwise you were checked out clear besides from being severely dehydrated, you were one step away from your organs shutting down and you've been on an IV since getting here. You and that other woman are lucky to be alive. You are so lucky that a Detective Riley wanted to go over your case, having found something that didn't make sense," her momma said softly.

Taylor smiled. Detective Riley, aka Mr. Badass, he had missed him so much. He was still very much the same as he remembered him before he disappeared with a cryptic 'I'll be watching, Taylor' and that was the last he saw or heard from him until two days ago. He couldn't thank John enough for bringing his mother home. Taylor didn't remember hugging someone so hard as he hugged John when he entered his mom's hospital room, finding John sitting there with her.

Joss didn't know who Detective Riley was but she was glad because he had told Fusco about it who then told John. John. Where was he? She blinked as she looked around her hospital room. "Where's John?" she demanded.

Her mother stroked her face as her heart monitor went crazy. "Baby girl, relax, John who?"

"I think she's looking for Detective Riley." Taylor supplied. And Joss eyed her son in confusion. "John Riley, the man that saved you…" her son said.

Riley?—Detective Riley, John was a detective now? "Yes, him, I want to see him…now," she said. "Where is he?"

"He was forced home by friends. That Detective worked tirelessly to bring you home," her mother said.

"Can you tell Fusco for me to ask Detective Riley to come here? I need to see him, please," Joss asked her son.

"Sure, mom," Taylor said as he patted her hand and turned to go do as she asked.

Joss turned to look at her mother. "So…uh, what happened?" she asked, needing to know what the cover story was so she could play it up.

"You were held against your will by that home-grown terrorist group Decima that had an FBI agent on their side, the one that kidnapped you. They had been plotting on attacking our country from within and they had held you and that other woman who worked for the government against your will," her mother said. Joss nodded.

"Everything is a blur," she lied.

"It's okay, darling, it's alright, you don't need to remember anything. Just know that you're safe now," her mother said with a gentle kiss to her cheek. "Everything will be better now. I promise you."

"Thank you momma, I just need to see John and I'll feel better."

Her mother smiled. "He is an extremely handsome man," her mother said knowingly.

Joss smiled gently. "He is," she agreed.

"When you're released from the hospital, I'm going to make a giant meal that this John is invited to and you're going to eat heaping piles of food to fatten you up again, baby girl. You're thin from your ordeal but momma's cooking is the remedy." Her mother fussed with her blanket before kissing her on the cheek.

"I love your cooking." Joss admitted as she yawned heavily.

"Go to sleep, Joss,"

"I need to see John," she argued.

"Dream of him, you need rest to continue to get better. And he'll be here when you wake."

"He's all I dreamt about for months," Joss whispered as sleep tried to tug her away, missing her mother's smile, and she finally let it.

* * *

Two days. Joss was back in his life for two days, sleeping, but still she was back. In those two days since they found and rescued Joss he had finally did as suggested: gone home and slept. He slept for a little over thirteen hours before his bursting bladder woke him. He had been irritable to find fresh bandages on his healing wounds which meant Shaw had let herself in to attend to him while he slept. He was a light sleeper and he wondered if she put something in his drink to make him dead to the world.

And every time he went to the hospital to see Joss she had been sleeping. He was afraid she wasn't getting better so he barked at the nurses to keep better watch over her. But Joss's mother, Alice, who was a sweet older version of Joss explained to him that Joss needed rest to recuperate. She was a chatterbox but most likely due to nerves. Taylor was at his mom's side the entire time. Paul had explained the situation to the school and got him a week off to be with his mother. John didn't remember the last time he had been hugged so hard as he was by Taylor. John had blinked the tears away as the kid thanked him for bringing his mom home. John would have walked to hell to find her and bring her home. Taylor knew that.

But since he was told to not come back to the hospital for a few hours, that the nurses needed a reprieve from him, it left him with nothing to do. Sitting with Joss, being with her was all he wanted. He needed to tell Joss how he felt no matter the rejection. But to do that he needed to do something else first and since he had some time on his hands before he let himself back into Carter's room, despite the nurses aggravation, now was good as any time.

John knocked on Iris's office door and felt like a lump was in his throat as he tried to work out what he wanted to say and when the door opened and she stood there the lump grew larger. "Hey," she greeted slowly.

"Hello Dr. Campbell, may we speak?" he said and winced inwardly at how formal that sounded. His phone buzzed with an incoming call but he let it go to voicemail as this needed to be done.

She flinched at the use of her professional name. "By all means, Detective Riley," she reciprocated coolly as she stepped back to let him in and closed the door with more force than needed. "Dr. Campbell?—am I really back to being just your shrink?" she wondered aloud, crossing her arms across her chest. John was retreating further and further from her and she wasn't sure she knew how to stop it. She didn't know what had happened between the time he told her he wanted to share everything with her and their next meeting, but apparently a lot. Because ever since he left that fateful day and she had nervously waited to know if he was alright, a roadblock had formed between them. And she wasn't sure she was ever going to be let through.

"I'm sorry, Iris, I just…" he trailed off helplessly. How did he tell her about Joss? How did he tell her about anything without hurting her?

"You can tell me anything, John," she said with a soft touch to his arm and he stepped back.

He looked down. "I don't want to hurt you, Iris."

"You won't…"

"I will because you care about me," he said.

Iris shook her head. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"It is."

"I beg to differ, John," Iris argued and he just stared at her. "Tell me what you need to and we'll go from there," she offered, seeing emotions swirling in his eyes, pain etched hard lines on his handsome face.

"You always knew I was holding things back from you," he began.

"Yes," she admitted.

"There was something I was hiding from you, but more importantly from myself for a very long time," he said as he looked her in the eyes. "Something that took me a long time to realize and when I did I didn't know what to do about it."

"What is it, John?" she asked gently. Whatever it was might be why he shut her out.

"Remember that detective I told you about," he started hesitantly.

"Yes, Detective Carter, you lost her and couldn't save her and it ate away at you," she recalled, that was the first real thing John had told her during the mandatory sessions and she had seen the vulnerable man underneath the façade he wore.

"For a long time I never could understand what the gaping hole her loss left in me meant. I didn't know what it was until I worked a cold case of hers," he said, turning to look away as he paced her office and ran a hand through his short hair. "I didn't know I was in love with her until it was too late," he admitted as he stopped in front of her desk and eyed the picture of Iris and her cat. "I loved her from the moment I met her and it took me until over a year after her death to even realize it."

"Oh, John, I'm so sorry," she said softly. "Is she the reason you pushed me away?—because you were afraid to move on from her?"

"Yes," he agreed as he turned to face her. "I love her."

"John, she died, you once admitted to me that you don't know how to grieve, so let me help you," Iris said gently as she approached him. She wanted to help him so much. She was in love with John, had fallen in love with him over the course of their sessions.

She had become everything she always promised herself she wouldn't be, she became a cliché and she loathed herself for falling in love with a patient. She tried to hide from it, keeping a cool professionalism, shelving her feelings for John away until she couldn't anymore. She even tried running from it as she ended the sessions with him, which hurt John because he had thought it was because he frightened her. It would have worked had she just not gone to see him in the bullpen and saw that gorgeous blond hugging him long and intimately. A tight ball of jealousy swirled deep inside her as she acted on impulse, storming towards him, determined to make him understand why she needed separation from him. But all the reasons why not faded away when she was with him. Her heart wanted John no matter what the consequences were (and they were hefty). And now, here they were in a complicated and tangled mess. John had emotional problems, trouble getting close, but if she could help him work it out then maybe they stood a chance.

"Iris, she's alive." Iris stopped in her tracks. The look in his eyes and the hopeful look on his face confirmed it, it was true. This woman that he loved was alive. "It's a long story but she was held against her will and we found her. She's a little worse for wear but she'll make a full recovery."

"I'm glad she's alright," Iris said sincerely, their situation put aside immediately. Iris never wanted anyone to suffer. She wanted to help people, which was why she loved being a psychologist. Iris would offer to counsel her but found the idea of counseling the woman John loved too much since she loved him as well. "Does she feel the same way about you, John?" Iris asked, trying to grab a hold of her inner calmness as she felt her heart slowly splintering.

He looked away. "I don't know. But I can't do this to you, Iris. I love her."

Iris felt her heart break as she blinked a few times to keep the tears at bay. "I see," she managed, unsure of what to say right now. She didn't think she could say anything because she felt like her heart was beating out of her chest. She hadn't known how in love with John she was until this moment.

John looked at Iris and felt his shoulders slump. He hurt her. "I'm sorry."

She swallowed hard. "You should tell her how you feel, John." she grasped a hold of her professionalism. "Don't hide it from her," she said as sternly as possible. "If I was her I would want to hear you tell me you love me," she said and all semblance of professionalism gone without a trace as the tears she fought so hard to keep at bay slipped out.

"Iris…" he said helplessly.

Iris shook her head. "John, it's not your fault."

"I'm sorry, I never wanted to hurt you."

Iris shook her head. "You didn't, John. You always think you're this monster, but you didn't hurt me. Circumstances stink but you didn't do anything wrong. We love who we love, I told you once before that love is a basic human need and if there is anyone out in this world that deserves to let himself feel it and have it returned it is you, John," she said heartfelt as she brushed the unwanted tears away. It wasn't his fault she fell in love with him over the course of their sessions. There was something about this man that spoke to her and maybe if they met in a different place and different time maybe she would have been the one that had earned John's love. "I think you should go now. I really need to be alone," she said softly. She preferred to fall apart and mourn the loss of something she never had without him watching.

John nodded and she grabbed the doorknob and opened the door for him. He walked to the door and paused for a moment unsure of what to say or do to help the pain he caused before he exited and closed his eyes as he heard a muffled cry coming from her as she closed the door. He slowly walked down the corridor. His phone buzzed and it was Taylor.

"Hey," John murmured.

"Who shot your best friend?" Taylor wondered.

"What?"

"Nothing, you sound upset, that's all, John."

"I hurt someone," he said softly.

"I bet it wasn't intentional. You wouldn't hurt anyone intentionally, John," Taylor said.

He sighed. "Intentional or not I still hurt her."

"Her?—you were seeing someone?" Taylor asked with a frown.

"Not really seeing. It was complicated." Everything in his life was. He tried to get close to Iris but he failed miserably because he hadn't been able to let go of this kid's mother, who was now alive once more and probably wanted to go back to being just friends. He wasn't sure he could be content with that. Not after everything that had happened since she's been gone.

"Well my mom is awake and asking for you," Taylor said.

"She is?"

Taylor grinned, hearing the happiness in John's voice and knew immediately why this woman and John failed. John loved his mom. He should feel bad for the other woman but he didn't. His mom's feelings mattered more to him than some stranger.

"Yea, she was really adamant about seeing you. Can you come?" Taylor asked.

"I'll be there in five minutes."

* * *

AN: I know you guys don't like Iris but I wanted to give a definitive end to Iris/John before John/Joss came face to face. Next chapter is full of Careese as they finally come face to face while Joss is not half-dead :D

Thanks for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

_**AN: Hey FF can you fix your glitch. I might be the only one but I can see everyone's reviews from my inbox on email (luckily, so I can thank them) but I can't see them here and it's been like this for a few days, please and thanks. *sighs* This site is so buggy but I love my Careese family here. And I think I have gone to everyone that left a review that was logged in to thank you. If I didn't I'm sorry as I try to make sure I clicked on all the alerts in my email *glares at this site*, and if I didn't I thank you for taking the time to leave me a line and that goes for you guest reviewers as well XOX.  
**_

* * *

It was nine and a half minutes. He counted. John ignored the numerous pangs from wounds that were still healing. He felt more human since getting a little rest. Root had threatened, with help from the machine, to revoke his admittance into the hospital to see Joss unless he got some sleep. He had begrudgingly bowed to Root when he saw she was serious. He liked it better when Root didn't give a damn about his well-being.

John slipped into Joss's private room, seeing she was alone. Her son and mother were absent and none of their friends were hanging around. Joss looked like she was resting as her eyes were closed and he slowly and quietly approached her, not wanting to disturb her, but yet wanted to.

"You're so quiet," she whispered.

John paused as his eyes slid up to her face and saw her eyes open, soft, and on him. Tears brimmed in his eyes as he still couldn't believe she was here. There was a part of him that believed this to be nothing more than a dream that he'd wake up from and find out she wasn't really here and he'd be without her again. He couldn't go through that again, he would rather be dead than try to learn to live without Joss again.

Joss stared at him, tired but awake. Her own tears blurred her vision of his beautiful face. She had longed to see this man again for what felt like forever. He was a sight for sore eyes.

"I didn't want to wake you," he finally managed. It took him moment because she was talking to him and finally the reality of the fact that she was truly here, back from the dead, settled into his heart.

She didn't know what was running through his head but whatever it was left him cracked open, exposed, and vulnerable to her. Joss wanted to comfort him because he was looking at her like she was a ghost and was going to cruelly vanish on him.

"I wish you would have. Come here, sit with me," she commanded softly, needing to feel him beside her. Joss watched him as he approached her as if he was afraid he was going to break her. She sighed, typical John, always afraid that if he touched someone they'd turn to dust. She watched as he slowly lowered his butt to the mattress and she grabbed his left hand immediately. She smiled. "Finally I get to touch you," she whispered.

"I need a minute," he whispered roughly before looking away.

"Look at me," Joss requested gently. John slowly did as she asked. She reached up, cupping his cheeks. "It's okay, I'm here now, John," she whispered as she caught his tears that slipped out with her fingers. Joss pulled him to her and he easily came down, careful to not pull her IV out as she hugged him and felt his arms wrap around her tightly. She closed her eyes as she allowed her own emotions to flow, finally being his arms.

She inhaled him. He smelled of soap and cologne. His skin was soft, warm, and she felt his tears drop onto her neck. He was utterly quiet and had it not been for the hot burn of his tears she wouldn't even have know he was crying.

"I've missed you," his voice was muffled and rough.

"I've missed you too, John."

They stayed that way for a long while until the tears ceased and they were just holding each other. John slowly pulled back and held her IV-free hand and rubbed his face with his other.

"I'm sorry, Carter."

"Don't apologize, never apologize for feeling something, John," she said immediately, wanting to beat that notion from him until it was dead and buried.

He didn't respond as they sat together just simply staring at each other. "Joss, I need to…" he started but stopped when she made a soft sound.

"I need to tell you something first, John."

He gave her a brief small smile as he circled his thumb on her inner wrist. "I actually would like to go first," he requested quietly. There was that hint of vulnerability that was spilling into his voice. She was helpless to deny him even though she wanted to tell him everything that she had kept inside. She wanted to tell him she loved him.

Joss sighed as she laid back in her hospital bed feeling too tired to keep upright. "Alright, you can go first, John. But start from the beginning."

"You mean after I thought you were dead?" he questioned.

She swallowed hard. "Yea, start there."

"During your funeral I was recuperating from gunshot wounds, before I got up, got dressed and went searching for Simmons to kill him," he stated as if he was telling her directions and Joss gasped.

"John!"

"He didn't deserve to be alive when you weren't," John said fiercely as he looked deep into her eyes. "He shot you and to me you were dead. Losing you hurt more than any physical pain I ever endured. Why did he get to continue breathing when he took someone this world needed, took someone I needed away?" he said defensively.

Joss swallowed her lecture. There was no use in lecturing him over something that happened during the time when he was injured and grieving. "What happened after?—please tell me our friends got to you before you injured yourself further," she asked.

"They did. I never reached Simmons. Fusco arrested him shortly after, only for Simmons to meet a bitter end in the hospital."

"By Shaw?" she asked with a long sigh, she really needed to talk to these guys about them not going homicidal when something happens.

John shook his head. "She swears she didn't do it. I think it was Elias."

Joss blinked in surprise. "Elias?"

"Yea, Elias liked you. Marconi liked you too."

She chuckled which felt good to do. "Anthony had a crush on me. How are they?" she asked and she didn't miss John's look. "They're dead aren't they?"

"Yes, but that is a conversation that we need to have later," John murmured and she nodded. And they would. She wanted to know what happened to them. They might have started on opposite sides of the law and she never fully trusted Elias but they had helped her when she needed it. She wanted to know what happened to them.

"So after Simmons was murdered, what happened?" she asked.

"I left the team."

Joss felt her mouth drop open. "You didn't! John, I tried to tell you to not let what happened change you." This time she was unable to keep her lecture held in check.

"You don't know what it was like, Joss. I couldn't work the numbers anymore, couldn't go on with my purpose of saving lives because the only one I needed to save was dead. I felt like I was dying without you." He spoke faintly, like remembering that time had the power to break him down and she tightened her hold on his hand, trying to prove to him she was here now.

"So you ran away from the pain rather than deal with it," she said, not accusatory, just trying to understand John's mindset during that time. He must have been under great deal of anguish for him to walk away from his purpose that meant everything to him. It was why he recklessly walked into the face of danger to save everyone else's life but his own. "Are you back with the team?—because I saw Shaw, Finch, and Fusco briefly." And she thought she saw Root too, but that would also be another conversation for another time.

He nodded. "I am. I tried to leave but the machine didn't seem to want to let me go, forcing me to work a number. Afterwards I wanted to get back to helping people because it was a way to stay close to you, because that's all you did your whole life, protect people and you died protecting me…"

"And I'd protect you again in a heartbeat," she interjected and he shook his head.

"No,"

"Yes, yes, I will do it again if I have to," she said fiercely.

"I don't want you to."

"John, you don't have a say in the matter. You would die to protect me and I'm willing to do the same for you," she stated.

John looked up and his eyes were shiny with tears before a small smile tilted his lips. "I've missed that."

"Missed what?—someone taking care of you?" Joss snapped in aggravation. How the hell did he even make it this far? She was grateful to whoever or whatever kept John going this long.

"I meant you arguing with me, I've missed our…lengthy debates," he said softly.

Joss shook her head as her anger that swelled inside her dissolved away instantly. "I missed it too. I even missed the Classic Rock you tried to push on me during our stakeouts together," she added, trying to inject some lightness to their heavy conversation, trying to lighten him up and when he laughed softly, she smiled: mission accomplished.

"What about that R&B stuff you subjected me to when it was your turn with the radio?" he questioned with his blue eyes sparkling with laughter. She liked them better when they weren't shadowed with pain.

"Oh come on, you love Beyonce!" she said with a scoff before she grew serious. "You and my boy got me through what happened to me. You and Taylor were all I thought about," she said as she laced their fingers together, unwilling to let his hand go. His palm was so warm and smooth, for some reason she had been anticipating callouses and there was none. "But I have a feeling you have more to say that might explain my situation."

"I do," he agreed and she waited for him to continue. "Samaritan came online about three months after I went back to the team, which judging from your medical records of the Jane Doe we found, that was three months before you left Pennsylvania."

She nodded. That sounded about right. "I was taken to Maple New York after I bought the garbage that I was protecting my son. I wouldn't have gone through with it but Moss told me if I went back to my old life, to my son, I was risking his life and everyone's that was around me. The bastard knew I'd do anything to protect my son. He used my boy against me," she said, still bitter that the people who were supposed to help and protect her turned around and stabbed her in the back.

"I'll kill him, just give me the word and I'll do it for what he did to you."

Joss looked into John's eyes, startled, and saw he meant every word. "No, no John I don't want him dead. Moss is where he belongs: in prison."

He nodded his head. "Did you know what Maple was?" he asked.

"No. I had no clue what Maple was until after they grabbed me. I started asking questions and began snooping around Maple when things just didn't make sense, which Samaritan realized easily. Next thing I know I'm walking home from a jog when a syringe pierced my neck and I woke up in that cage. They labeled me: Plan B," she said softly, knowing this next part was going to be tricky. John wasn't going to take it well.

"Plan B?" John questioned.

"They wanted to find you themselves but figured if they couldn't they'd use me because they knew you'd risk your life for me," Joss said softly. Realization dawned on him. Moss was right, she was taken because of him. It was his fault she endured this hell. "No! Don't you dare!" she growled, he blinked at the fierceness in her voice, sounding much stronger the longer they talked, and looked deep into her brown orbs. "It's not your fault John. It's not."

"You were taken because of me."

"I was taken because I asked questions and snooped around in Samaritan's business and I just so happened to have a connection to you. If I didn't hold any use to lure you to Samaritan I'd been dead already," she said, lifting his hand to her lips and pressed a soothing kiss to his palm before lowering it back down. "So it's not your fault for what happened, if anything knowing you saved my life."

John swallowed hard, feeling a lump grow in his throat, guilt nearly crushing him. "You're quite the woman, Joss Carter," he said, truly in awe of her but not able to see it her way.

She smiled. "Thank you, I see you don't believe me. The guilt is all over your face, John. So I guess I'll just have to keep repeating this until the end of time to get you to forgive yourself over something you didn't even do," she said matter-of-factly. "I'll wipe that guilt from you but you had your say, now it's my turn to speak, regardless if you're finished or not."

"I'm not."

"Well, the rest of what you want to say will have to wait. I have waited so long to tell you and I promised myself while I laid there in that cage waiting for rescue, that if I ever saw you again I wouldn't keep silent anymore," she said gently. "I want to keep my promise to myself and I can't keep quiet much longer," she admitted. Everything she wanted to say was on the tip of her tongue and it took all her self-control to not just blurt it out while he had been talking.

"Alright…"

"You told me in the morgue that I changed you. Well, I stood there and just listened and admittedly I was shocked because you're not one to speak how you feel. I was honored that you felt safe with me to share yourself," she said as her breath hitched. She had felt humbled that John had decided to let her in even a little bit. She knew how hard it was for him.

"Joss,"

"John, please, I didn't say anything then and didn't say anything when we were in the precinct together. Didn't say anything when we were outside on the sidewalk before Harold came to pick you up or before Simmons appeared, I didn't say anything. I kept my mouth shut and it has been eating at me ever since because I learned a tough lesson down in that hole: life is short," she said earnestly as she sat up and blinked her eyes to banish the tears that wanted to make their way out.

"You never needed to say anything, Joss."

Joss gave him a watery smile. "Well I want too. You say I changed you, but you changed me as well. You made me realize that not everything is black and white. Before I met you everything was either/or, never in between, but then you came into my life and nothing was the same again. And I'm glad, John. I'm so happy I was at that precinct on loan that day when you were brought in after kicking those thugs' asses." Suddenly she felt like a floodgate as everything she wanted to say was spilling out of her and she didn't realize she was crying until he reached up and brushed the tears away. "I'm so happy I got to know who you really are. You're such a good man and you don't even believe it. And I want you to believe in it so badly."

"Joss, take a breath," he said softly as her heart monitor was going haywire. Her heart was pounding because she was getting close to telling him how she felt. But she did as he suggested because she didn't want the nurses to come in here and kick John out.

"John, you have always been there for me. You said I always wanted to do everything on my own and you were right, I did. But as time passed I got used to you being there, got used to having you by my side, on my side."

"I'll always be there for you," he interrupted.

"John, I love you," she said, not paying attention to what he said because she already knew in her heart he'd be by her side no matter what, John loved her and she needed him to know she felt the same. John sat there staring at her. "I don't even know when I fell in love with you. Probably just a steady progression, but it's been there for a while, something I didn't want to admit to, because I was petrified if I told you how I felt that somehow I'd lose you. Like owning up to it would somehow make you disappear from my life and as much as you couldn't lose me I can't lose you either. But I'm not afraid anymore because life is too short to keep the words in. To not tell the ones you love that you love them and want to be with them," she said and finally stopped as she was breathless, feeling spent but better. Fear was a powerful motivator but she wasn't afraid of the what-ifs about her possible future with this man anymore. The what-ifs could bring it because she was ready. She loved John and was ready for the next step of their relationship.

John felt words clog in his throat as his heart thundered in his chest. He remembered distinctly the last person to ever tell him that they loved him: Jessica, and he never was able to say it back, was scared to. He didn't want to be afraid of getting close, especially with Joss. He wanted to tell her everything: his fears, his hopes, dreams of a future that he never believed he would have, and that he loved her from the first moment he set eyes on her, but just never realized it until it was nearly too late. Now he had her back and he wasn't going to let this chance slip past him.

"Joss," he started, swallowing the fear that was threatening to choke him silent. The last person he told that he loved them was his mother before she died. 'I love you' sounded so foreign even in his mind. It had been so easy to tell Iris that he loved Joss because Iris wasn't her, he promised himself he wasn't going to let the fear of Joss's rejection stop him, and damn it he was going to keep his word. He turned them over in his mind trying to acquaint himself with them, so that speaking them out loud wouldn't sound so clumsy. John blinked as he turned when he heard the door to the room open.

Joss growled deep in her throat as the Peanut Gallery entered. Shaw made a beeline for her with Root directly behind her. Fusco and Finch followed in at a slower pace. Joss leaned her head back against the pillows in annoyance, their friends had miserable timing because John stood up and she tightened her hold on his hand unwilling to let him go. Finch eyed them both and winced, clearly the only one realizing that they interrupted something really important.

"We could come back," Harold offered and she resignedly let go of John's hand to receive Fusco's hug and give it back warmly. Her eyes were on John longingly. His eyes were shuddered close, masking what he was feeling when just seconds ago they had been open and expressive. John had looked excited that she said she loved him, looked like he was trying to figure out how to express the words back, and then their friends had to walk in and ruin everything.

Shaw, Root, and Fusco didn't seem to be in a hurry to leave any time soon because they were removing their coats and sitting down. Not to mention her mother and son entered too. She looked around the numerous bodies all around her and found John lurking in the back corner. She wished it was just them alone because she had a feeling that if they had been, she would have heard something from John that would truly make her heart monitor go haywire.

* * *

Days passed before she was finally released from the hospital after she complained and annoyed the doctors/nurses long enough. Her doctor was a sweetheart and had been happy with her weight gain. She gave her a strict diet to help her regain her strength, muscle mass, and weight so she was once again a healthy woman.

But during those last remaining days at the hospital each and every time that John came to visit her, there was someone irritatingly there. Because if it wasn't her mother and son it was their mutual friends, then if it wasn't them, it was co-workers and Moreno that came to visit her. She met Felicia Moreno way back and they had become easy friends. She was happy her friend had been given the promotion to Captain, because Moreno was by the book, and a great cop. And she was honored to call her, her boss whenever she did get back to work. And Joss didn't miss the sharp knowing glances Felicia shot between her and John, and then the smirk on Felicia's face. Joss desperately wanted to tease John about being Detective Riley, but needed to wait until she got him alone and all to herself!

Finch was letting her use the safe-house to stay at as her son sold her place six months ago. She couldn't blame her boy, to him she had been dead, and living with his dad until college started. Life for him had gone on. She was just grateful she had a place to rest her head for a while until she got back to work and could find a place of her own. The machine had already taken care of her death certificate, thankfully at least it was one thing she didn't have to worry about clearing up on her own. Moreno wanted to set up a meeting to talk business next week. Her mother and Harold had accompanied her to go shopping to get some clothes since all hers had been donated. And she felt more herself since getting out of the hospital, having new clothes to wear, a damn haircut, some new stuff, but her heart ached for John who was noticeably absent.

Taylor and her mother were mother hens for the last three days until she shooed them away wanting some 'me' time. She didn't begrudge them. They had spent almost seventeen months believing she was dead so of course they wanted to be with her. She just needed a little alone time to herself.

There was a knock on the door and she sighed putting down the book she had just started to read. So help her if it was her momma again she was going to have to ban her from coming over! She padded over to the door and peeked through the peephole. She smiled as she unlocked the door and flung it open.

"Hey Carter," John murmured with a hand behind his back.

She had to fight the urge to rush him and just hug him. "Hey, John," she reciprocated before stepping back to let him in. John did but before he fully entered he pulled his arm from behind his back and handed her a bouquet of beautiful flowers that weren't roses. She recognized two of them immediately but the others she didn't. She took them with a large wobbly smile that he brought her heartfelt flowers and not stupid roses. "Thank you," she said sentimentally. She inhaled them as he stepped inside.

He eyed her as she closed the door and locked up before turning around. "Sorry they aren't as fresh since I had to buy them from a florist that grew these indoors," he murmured with trepidation.

"Hush you, they smell and are absolutely beautiful," she chided before looking up at him. "I love them." And you, but she kept that off since he already knew that. She wanted to know why he had been hiding away, wanted to know what he was thinking.

"I know they aren't roses," he hedged.

"I'm glad, these mean more since you put thought into these. Roses anyone can get," she admitted. "I didn't know when or if you were going to come by," she added softly.

He stared at her. "I didn't want to impose on you and your time with your family."

She looked up at him from the flowers to scowl. "John, you wouldn't have! My boy would have loved to see you and my mother is intrigued by the handsome John Riley."

John stood before her, standing near the door of the safe house. They remained silent until John broke it. "Do you know those flowers?"

She looked down at the flowers once more before looking up at him, sensing there was more to this than merely a pointless question about flowers. "I know one or two of them," she answered vaguely.

He nodded. "As a young boy I grew up on a farm in Washington after my dad died. My aunt owned it. But the farm next to ours, there was an older woman: her name was Mrs. Johnson," he said with a small smile. Joss watched him as he spoke, feeling warmth spread through her. He loved this Mrs. Johnson. "She was in her late seventies and I would always go over to her place and help her plant her garden."

"So you have a green thumb," she murmured.

He shrugged. "Not really, I just enjoyed playing in the dirt instead of milking cows."

She snickered. "Typical boy."

"But I did retain some of what she taught me. She taught me everything there was to know about flowers, their names, what class they were in, their different colors, and their special meanings," he said as he stepped close and she had to lean her head back to be able to look deep into his eyes. There was something in them but she wanted to see where he was going with this. "These, Joss," he pointed to the flowers in the back of the bouquet.

"Are beautiful," she supplied.

He smiled. "They are, they're called: Chrysanthemum and overall they mean fidelity, optimism, joy, and long life. But the colors sometimes symbolize special meanings."

Joss looked down at them. "What do white and these purple ones symbolize?"

He smiled. "In a minute, Joss," he said softly before he pointed to the next flower in the bouquet. "These are…"

"Daisies," she said before he could. "I might not be Miss English Gardens, but I can spot a daisy when I see one."

He chuckled and she couldn't help the smile in return at the soft rumble. John seldom allowed himself to enjoy life and she hadn't heard his laugh or seen that truly beautiful smile he had that he hid from the world in a very long time.

"Do you know their meaning?" he wondered after a moment.

"Not really…."

"They symbolize innocence and purity but also they can symbolize new beginnings."

"Oh John," she whispered understanding the implication of what her Flower Lesson 101 was. It was his attempt at giving herself some of his past as well as a way to explain to her how he felt.

"Back to the Chrysanthemums, while the purple holds no special meaning besides it's your favorite color, the white does," he continued.

She narrowed her eyes. "How do you know my favorite color is purple?"

He shrugged. "You mentioned it one time," he said and squirmed under her unrelenting glare. "When you were with Cal on a date," he said with a look like a child had been caught being bad.

"I thought you said you would tune out," she huffed and then shook her head. "Never mind, what does white mean?"

"It symbolizes truth and loyal love," he said gruffly. "And I do, Joss. I haven't been able to say the words to anyone in a very long time. You might now know when you fell in love with me, but I know when I fell in love with you: the first moment I looked into your eyes."

She dropped the bouquet of flowers on the table near them and rushed into his arms. He dipped his head and kissed her. She sighed. It was deep and tender, lasting longer than mere seconds like the one he planted on her in the morgue. Joss felt tears of joy fall freely. She dreamt of this moment for so long and finally it was here. It was even better than her dreams. Because not only did John admit to his feelings for her and she got to kiss his lips again, he shared something deeply personal with her about his past.

He ended the kiss to drag in some much needed air, before he wiped her face gently. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you how I felt. I didn't realize it until it was too late," he said lowly.

"It's okay John, I hid from it and you couldn't recognize it was love you felt. You hid from your feelings so long you got too good at it and I had gotten too used to being alone," she reassured him as she smiled up at him. "Thank you for finding the courage to tell me now, for letting me in."

"Fear has always kept me silent. I kept Jessica at arms' length because I was afraid. I wasn't going to let my fears rule me this time. I loved Jessica but never told her how I felt. With you, I was given a second chance, and I didn't want to make the same mistake I made with Jessica again. I wanted to tell you how I felt when you were in the hospital but..."

"Everyone was always interrupting," she supplied.

He smiled softly as he licked his lips. "That and for the simple fact that I'm not very good at speaking how I feel."

She smiled in return. "I'm glad you waited to tell me when you were ready and not out of reaction to my declaration. It means more. And I do love you, John, so very much."

"I love you too, Joss. I'm not sure how this will work because I'm not exactly good at relationships. I'll probably end up making mistakes."

Joss pressed a kiss to his pounding heart that mirrored her own before leaning back to look up in his eyes. "John, you don't have to be perfect. No one is. I'm not. We'll make mistakes, we'll fight and make up, it's this crazy thing called 'love.'" she teased gently trying to calm his nerves. Joss knew he hadn't been in a real relationship in a long time.

"There is still a lot you need to know about, Joss, a lot we both need to figure out." he murmured.

"I'm sure," she agreed before softly kissing him. She stepped back before the urge to deepen it overtook her, to grab his hands to tug him to the couch. "But we have a lifetime together to figure out the future."

John smiled as he stopped allowing her to tug him to the couch. "I like the sound of that," he admitted before he leaned down and kissed her warmly and sealed his heart to hers forever.

* * *

AN: This story wouldn't be a Careese story without an interruption or two ;D And I had to do some googling for the flowers/meanings because I'm like Joss LOL. Thank you for coming along for the journey of what is absolute wishful thinking and this is the end. Only thing that is missing is the epilogue that tidies up some last loose ends like Control and of course smut. But I'm still working on that. It will be posted separate from this most likely titled: New Beginnings. _ **  
**_

Thanks for reading!


End file.
